February 19, 2010

Dumbest things I've ever done.

When I was little I got stung on the ass by a wasp, on the 4th of July, at the annual family BBQ. After I was done freaking out from the terror I realized Oscar Meyer wasn’t the only one that had his wiener out that day.

Asking my pre-school teacher if she was single.

Breaking up with ******.

Not breaking up with ******.

During my interview for the University of Chicago for their political science program I talked about how I’ve always been an avid reader of newspapers and followed current events very closely. She asked what I thought about what was going on in China right now and I froze and said I didn’t know. Thank God for state universities.

Having a rake fight.

Getting caught masturbating at the age of 12 by my grandpa while watching an episode of Murphy Brown.

Challenging my foe to a rematch because I lost the first rake fight. I looked like I’d been attacked by Wolverine for a week.

Listening to a voicemail at work whilst extremely hung-over and finding out that I not only had a new fiancĂ© but somehow had acquired a number of investment condos. Oh, and that I couldn’t get it up the night before. Seriously, every time I go out I ask some girl to marry me.

Thinking about which places I’d loot first on December 31st, 1999.

Voting for Rod Blagojevich, twice.

Posting this blog.


  1. Murphy Brown? MURPHY BROWN?!? Sorry, but that's awesome. You should do a whole post about that incident.

  2. "Thinking about which places I’d loot first on December 31st, 1999."

    Hahahahaha...I thought about that too! And the first thing that came to mind was 'a bank!'

    Do the women you propose to while you're drunk accept? :)

  3. WHOA!!!

    No Way!!!! Can't believe you said that!! Done that!! No, don't get that one (must be because I'm British - cultural difference). And that one ... no, no don't get what you mean? (Maybe because I'm a lady).


  4. I be you're married in three states, and wanted in five.

  5. VegKat: Not sure I could stretch that out to a whole post. And I know, Murphy Brown. I can't remember if it was inspired by Murphy Brown or Murphy Brown just happened to be on at the time. I hope it was the latter, that'd make it less disturbing.

    P.T: Some do, some don't. So far they've all realized it was a joke, thank God.

    Kanwalful: Thanks. I'm glad everyone got a laugh at my expense.

    Sharon: Ha!

  6. Murphy Brown?! Bwhahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!
    Um, sorry. Too funny.
    Stop asking girls to marry you. Did you ever see the movie 'Fatal attraction'?
    Nuff said.

    Have a nice weekend.

  7. Hahahahahaha...a rake fight! That reminds me of a pitchfork thing I did with a friend as a kid. It didn't work out as we planned. We ended up in hospital and in really big trouble.
    Ok I'm going to become one of your legions of followers cos I like your style.
    And I'm going to write a 'Dumb things' list as well. Don't worry, I will fully acknowledge your inspiration....

  8. excellent. makes my memory of going into the mens showers at the campground because i didn't have my contacts in, and figuring it out mid-shower, well, not so bad

  9. Donut: It explains the thing I have for career minded women. I should have written fatal attraction. That's just my type.

    Dan: It's just reassuring to know I'm not the only one!

    Eco: I've ended up in women's bathrooms a couple times. Believe me, it's much easier for you to show up in a men's shower than for me to show up in a woman's room.

  10. I will not ever be able to look at Candice Bergin in the same way again! I laughed, roar-iou-sly aloud at this.You propose, how funny...That's crazy...silly, funny. I have an Uncle--My only Uncle left, who always says, "Niece, it's my birthday." Every-day is his birthday. And, every woman, is your fiance.....Ha ha ha ha

  11. Yea, the only thing I worry about is that if I actually propose to someone she won't take me seriously.

  12. i broke some kids arm with a rake once. you've inspired me to write a blog almost like this one only not really and i don't know if i could. this was good. i laughed.

  13. Come on Ashlie. You know you wanna. All the cool kids are doing it.


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