February 11, 2010

Emergency to Outpatient

It’s hard to lose someone. Paradoxically, it’s incredibly easy to lose someone. There are so many that have come and gone. Some seem like ghosts, some are. Some were my fault, some were acts of God. Loss can feel like being hit with a baseball bat. Crack! You drop to the pavement, it feels like you won’t make it. You black out. Every time you run your hand through your hair you feel the throbbing pain. It keeps you from doing anything. You don’t want to leave the house. You’re afraid of all the stares. Everyone can see that bald spot on your soul.

Eventually the wound starts to heal. The constant pain subsides. Hair grows back, but be careful when you touch that old wound. Every time your fingers grace that traumatized skin, you think of the pain, the loss. The physical damage heals, but the scars never completely fade away. Scars can be memories. Scars can be inside jokes that randomly abuse your consciousness. They can be a person, place or thing. You’ll never escape them. Embrace that tortured tissue. Feel how much tougher that part of you is. Remember your scars, love them. If you let the scars overcome you, you’re destined to become one.
Image taken from: http://charactertherapist.blogspot.com/2009/10/treatment-tuesday-past-scars.html


  1. Perfect post for me today. I loved this line: Everyone can see that bald spot on your soul. Hauntingly beautiful!

  2. I like your paradox ... hard and easy to lose someone.

    'If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger', am only now realising this ...

  3. That is beautiful. Wether or not others can see them, we wear them. They are a part of us. So love the picture.

  4. Christopher Robin, I hope you don't mind I call you that. Your writing, fascinates me and never fails to move my heart. Yep, I've been cracked over the head. And, those scars, well some are not scars yet. Still tender to the touch, and ache when I even realize they are there....I know, when I've pushed myself to far in a wounded state. I start to beat up on people; For no real reason. I don't reckon, we are much different than animals, when it comes to being wounded, and cornered we growl, snarl and will bite. But, the opposite of pain, and hurt are worse. Indifference, and no feelings at all. Hell, it must be hell. Not that any of this matters a lot...Just responding to what you wrote here.....HAVE A GOOD THURSDAY....One of us, has to!

  5. This is beautiful - truly.

    Tomorrow will be four years since I lost a very special person to a horrible car wreck, so this touched me. You're right, time heals... the constant pain subsides, but there will always be a little lingering feeling of loss when I reflect on the memories.

  6. I like the new blog look. This post hits really close to home. I've let my scars overcome me before. That's hard to think about. Your writing is brilliant.

  7. The truth is that everyone has scars and we all react to them differently. Scars tell the story of where we've been and they can give us insight into who we are today. And though it doesn't always happen, sometimes it is possible to turn ugly, painful scars into badges of honor.

  8. it's like yesterday i can remember november of 2009, collapsing in the shower down to my knees, begging the pain to go away and thinking of conversations with my dad that i'll never have, future grandchildren he'll never meet, understanding i'll never see. there's no feeling i can compare it to. a friend who also lost a parent early recently loaned me 'good grief' and it was a beautiful collection of words...

    "birth and death follow each other...as day follows night, as spring follows winter"

  9. Ah, amazing. I totallyt agree. As I've gotten older I've learned to embace the negative things that have happened to me in life as part of my character, in a positive way.

  10. This is a very timely post. I was just going to post on the same sort of thing. It is scary how easy it is to lose someone. It is a moment that breaks you. And you never complpetely heal.

  11. Scars on the body are like artwork of our lives.


  12. I loved, loved the last paragragh, and i can relate to that.
    Really a meaningful and powerful post.
    I so love your writing style!
    And the pic you've chosen is just great
    Betty :)

  13. Nicole: I'm glad my timing was good. Even more happy you enjoyed it. Thank you.

    Sharon: The paradox was one of the initial thoughts that got me writing.

    jd: Thanks so much. I wish I could take credit for the picture to but my talents definitely don't lie with the visual.

    The Me: Christopher Robin and Christopher Columbus were probably the most used aliases that people would give me when I was a kid, so I've gotten used to it. I find indifference to be terrifying. Hatred and love I can wrap my mind around. You mean something that way. Once people are indifferent to you it's like you dont have a soul.

    Heather: I'm sorry to hear for your lost and I hope the wound this touched didn't hurt too much.

    Eva: Thanks. I've been trying to get a new look for a while now but I went blank. So I did what every good writer does when he/she is blocked, I stole it. You're really too kind, though. I hope those scars are healing now.

    Donut: We have to be strong enough to take hold of those scars or else we'll lose ourselves.

    Eco: That must have been awful. I can't imagine that pain. It's good to have a friend that can help through those tough times. Even if they only bring a brief smile, it always helps.

    Sarah: I think that's a skill we all have to learn as we grow. Definitely one of the harder skills to master.

    Laurel: The last thing I wanted to hear from anyone is that this was a timely post. If you're in the middle of the loss I'm terribly sorry. Even if you're dealing with an old scar that won't go away I'm still sorry.

    Secretia: That'd make a great tattoo somehow.

    Betty: Thanks so much. I'm glad you could relate.


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