February 5, 2010


For the last month and a half that I've been here on blogger I've noticed the various blog awards. In a way I really don't like the idea. From the outside looking in it seemed to be just a bunch of random people patting other random people on the back. I'm all for positive reinforcement but it seemed to have a kindergarten sort of "you didn't wet your pants so you get a gold star" feel to it. In spite of my secret disdain for such awards I had a secret craving for said award. Then Eva gave me one. Eva! She's seriously the best blogger on here. Reading Eva's work is like being in every relationship I've ever had. I get twisted up, torn apart and always left wanting more. A gold star means more coming from someone whose talent you admire. That's when I started to get it a bit more. These gold stars don't have any intrinsic value. They have value because you receive them from your peers. Peers that have varying interests, motivations and methods but nonetheless share your commitment to writing something everyday. I appreciate that. Thank you Eva for giving me this award and thank everyone else for giving the time of day to come and check out my little corner of the internet.

As required I've written out ten things about myself:

1. I hate my blog name. I opened this blog in 2008 with the concept that every post would be a letter to someone. If you read my first few posts you’ll see that. I got the idea from Saul Bellow’s Herzog. It seemed clever at the time but I lost interest. Now I’m stuck with My Letters because I gave up on the theme and couldn’t come up with a new catchy title. Any suggestions?

2. If I ever get a dog I’ll name him Fyodor. No wife would ever let me name my son that. I thought I was deep until I read The Brothers Karamazov and my mind was blown. Russian literature fascinates me. I have this book on my nightstand titled A History of Russian Literature by D.S. Mirsky. I keep it there because I often can’t sleep at night. Turns out I find the damned book interesting. I’ll read fifty pages at a time some nights. Some help.

3. I’m a jerk. I once founded an organization called the International Asshole Association (IAA). Apparently my friends are assholes too. The ranks eventually grew to 8 members. Someone in the group crossed the line of acceptable assholeness so I disbanded the group. There is being an asshole and there is burning in hell. Hard line to walk.

4. I’ve never had an energy drink, aside from two Jagerbombs (that were bought for me). I’ve also never had a Krispy Kreme doughnut. My theory is that the secret ingredient for both is crack-cocaine. You know when you start a class and the get to know me part starts off? You say your name, what you’re studying and something no one knows about you. My first day of graduate school I gave that answer. I thought it was hilarious. Someone coughed. I realized that my sense of humor doesn’t translate well to every situation. I know it wasn’t that funny to begin with, but the looks were rough.

5. I find the strangest things adorable. One of my old girlfriends once told me that she shoplifted a pair of nipple clamps from an adult bookstore. I found it so endearing.

6. I’m intensely laid-back. The more exciting things around me get the more it looks like I have a muscle-relaxer addiction.

7. I’m an optimistic-pragmatist. I’m an atheist because I don’t need to believe in God, I believe in mankind. As bad as things look right now, they looked worse 50, 100, 1,000, 10,000 years ago. Voltaire might disagree but I’m a firm believer that we are all progressing. We are all becoming better, more educated people than our ancestors. Sure it looked bad when Bush was President and fighting with Saddam, bin Laden and the like but, just over half a century ago people like Hitler and Stalin were roaming the earth. Europe destroyed itself, Japan had radiation poisoning and 2-ply toilet paper hadn’t been invented yet. We have a tendency to romanticize the past and demonize the present, we can’t help it. The past seemed easier because we survived it already. The future is threatening because we question our potential. I firmly believe in our ability to overcome. I know times are tough right now. We will make it, all of us.

8. My favorite beers are: Hacker-Pschorr; St. Pauli’s Girl; and any beer you buy for me.

9. I’ve spent more time on this post than any other blog I’ve posted. I blame Eva completely.

10. "No comment" isn’t an answer for me. I can talk myself around questions but I can’t leave any question, no matter how difficult, unanswered. Use this information as you will.


  1. This cracked me up. Love the sarcasm.

  2. Congratulations on the Gold Star. Well done, my good boy, well done. I think, you must-very nearly soon, write your novel. I've always loved to read your writing! Well, good to know of your optimism.

  3. love it. random stuff is cool. i've never had an energy drink either, from the inception of jolt to the current stuff they swill in with alcohol. krispy kremes are overrated. now come to portland and have a voodoo doughnut and that will make you want to die right then and there, smiling and jittery..

  4. Why is it I always make people think of their crazy ex-girlfriends? Oh well :)

    You deserve the award whether you wanted it or not. Deep down, you wanted it though. It was nice to learn a little about you. I love that you use the word adorable. I think this is the second or third time I've seen you use it, somehow it sounds so sweet coming from a guy. And I loved what you said in number seven. That's good stuff. You just uplifted my spirit for the day. Your mind is kind of amazing!

  5. Kanwalful:Thanks!

    The Me: Someday I'll finish a book. I've got two that I started, didn't go nearly far enough. It's hard! This whole blog thing is to get me focusing on written word again, hope it works.

    Eco: I saw those crazy ass doughnuts on some travel show. They put bacon on a doughnut. Bacon!

    Eva: Ha! I hope you don't take that as an insult! I actually prefer crazy girlfriends. There are the crazy girlfriends and the girlfriends I forget about. Which is really better?

    Also, I'm glad you gave me the award and I hope I don't seem ungrateful. And coming from you makes it really cool because you rock. I find your blog completely adorable for some reason! I'm sure that's the first time you heard that. I'm glad to get you thinking uplifting thoughts, it's an important part of keeping sanity.

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