March 18, 2010

Differential

Apathy is so cool. I'm trying hard to explain it but my head hurts. Have you ever been on a blind date that lasted too long? I haven't, but I imagine that this is what it's like. I'm pretty sure you have stopped reading this. If you haven't I send my condolences. I talked to a judge today, it was only a traffic ticket. She looked like someone I wanted to fuck twenty years ago. I wish she would have. She would have gotten a felony for having sex with a minor. Now I'm an adult and I'm not very good at it. Have you ever tried to write laughter? Have you ever tried to design joy? I did. They said I'd never be a serious architect. I said I've been building glass houses my whole life. They said that didn't count. I threw a rock. Breaking things makes me happy. Have you ever taken a sledge-hammer to a sheet of drywall? I didn't think so. Shut up. You're such a fucking fag. I hate that I use that word casually. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to justify it. I know how to change the subject. My conscience caught up with me. For once I couldn't change the subject. That makes me laugh. Lots of things do. Who really cares? If you're reading this something is wrong with you. What do you call non-fatal brain cancer? I'm not sure, but that's what you have. You're going to think about how life should have been until you realize that computers are only cool if you're at work. If you're at work and reading this shit then you're awesome. Really, I mean it. I took time out of my life to write this crap and if you're getting paid to read this then you're a cross between a hope and a prayer. I don't know what that means. I just added a cliche to a sentence that wasn't working. Ever try to add a penis to a relationship that isn't working? I have. Luckily I got it back. Never date a girl that isn't ticklish, at least a little bit. I'll tell my first-born son that on his fifth birthday. Satisfying a woman that isn't ticklish is like pleasuring a limp statue. Eventually you'll run out of saliva and lay on the bed looking away ashamed. It's spring. I can buy Italian ice on the way home. Jealous?

6 comments:

  1. Hey, you have your Holden hat on again!

    And like Holden amongst all the 'crap' (your word) is a comic genius at work. Except Catcher In The Rye wasn't funny - and you are. You just haven't realised it yet. I'm not going to point out all the funny bits ... Gives you something to do ...

    PS. I like the idea of 'miss december' ... save the best till last. lol :)

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  2. This is one awesomely fucked up stream of consciousness. Thought provoking, insulting at times, and a little twisted. Is this what it's like looking in your head? Your honesty and lack of fear keeps me reading.

    And yes, I'm jealous. I think I'll go eat some ice cream now but it won't be as awesome.

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  3. seriously. and boys who aren't ticklish are kind of lame too.

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  4. Never date a boy-man that is extremely ticklish... that doesn't work out too well either.

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  5. Sharon: I've never been called a comic genius before. Funny f*****, yes. I'm flattered!

    Eva: It's a strange place for sure Eva.

    Eco: I wouldn't know about that but I'll agree with you.

    Holly: Don't worry! I won't.

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  6. hahaha...you're a funny fuck...nice one sonny jim

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