March 17, 2010

The Pitfalls of Blogging

This will make sense once you read the last paragraph.
Blogging is a fascinating form of expression. I’ve immensely enjoyed my time here on blogger and I put a bit of effort into putting together something either interesting, informative or insane for anyone that stops by. Sometimes, however, it all goes terribly wrong. This was supposed to be yesterday’s post but it turned into a miserable failure and I’m going to explain why. Commentary is in italics.

I came up with the concept for a blog about how I’ve relied on style over substance for most of my life. I’ve always been good with grasping concepts and communicating them well to others without paying much attention to detail. The title, I thought, fit because I tend to use style to overshadow the shortcomings of my work.

Substance Abuse

I’ve got a confession to make. One that is a lot easier to make here to you strangers than to people I know and love. I’ve got a problem. It all started in high school (what doesn’t?) and it’s been with me ever since. I’m an addict and I always will be. I’m beyond redemption really. Here I’m trying to suck ‘em in with the hopes that people will be attracted to a train wreck. As much as it pains me to say all I can really do is manage my addiction to half-assed work. You thought you had me finally, didn’t you? No, this isn’t the often requested alcoholism post. It instead deals with my preference for style over substance. Here I make light of the not-at-all-funny issue of addiction by comparing my own distaste for hard work to alcoholism and drug-abuse. Classy.

Since I was a young child I’ve worked to cultivate the image that I’m a man of substance and complexity when in fact this isn’t true at all. Here I’m saying that it’s all a charade that I have any substance but really my ego is trying to say to the world “Hey! Look at me I try so hard to sound deep! Appreciate Meeeeeeeeeee. In reality I’m only really good at two things: wordplay and excuses. This is actually true although I’d probably add making a killer sandwich at 4 AM. I learned at an early age that I could talk myself out of just about any predicament short of a fashion faux pas like wearing an embryo necklace. I take great delight in saying things I shouldn‘t, this was another example of that. In the academic world, my witty wordplay excused my utter disdain for research. Hey look at me I went to college and all I learned how to do was string together two words that start with the letter W. The practical application of such talents in the pursuit of women is obvious. Yea, like I’d have a blog if I was that good with the ladies. I won’t go into detail on that point because the women that frequent this blog are much too intelligent to fall prey to such dastardly tricks. Oh no. Besides, I’d never want to offend any of my beautiful female readers. Idiot. Seriously, I’ve got to have the hottest followers on blogger. Oh, it gets worse. I’m thinking “Ladies of Blogger” Calendar for 2011. 20 bucks a calendar, a dollar to each of the lovely contributors, how could we go wrong? It was at this point that I realized this could never be posted. Then I realized I needed to take myself down a peg and in fact did need to post it.

This stuff below was originally weaved in there somehow and shows just how messed up I really am. Goodbye followers, it was fun.

When I was about 12 I heard about the “Great Books Program” pioneered by Columbia University and the University of Chicago in the 1920’s and I was enthralled with the idea. Not because of any academic aspirations or anything but just because it had “great” in the title. How fucked up of a kid do you have to be to read Machiavelli’s The Prince and then decide to fill it with 4-leaf clovers with the hope that you’ll grow up with some sort of evil good-luck mojo? One afternoon whilst daydreaming I wondered if it was possible that I was the second coming of Christ because my name is Christopher and I was born on Christmas Day. I ruled it out minutes later because I thought I’d make a better anti-Christ. I don’t even know what to call the disorder I have. I googled Napoleon complex but had to rule that out because I’m 6’ tall. Unless…  Wait, when they’re talking about short-man syndrome are they referring to ol’ Floppy?


  1. Ahh, you made me laugh so much ... What's brought this on? Hope it was nothing I said.

    “Ladies of Blogger” Calendar for 2011. 20 bucks a calendar." Only 20 bucks. Huh?

    I don't think you've got anything to worry about ... I think your ego's cute. :)

  2. Floppy? ha ha ha, 6'? Yes, you do have a lot of followers, Whom are mostly female, I see. But, any poor man to venture online, with some plan to write...even, if it is JUST for writing...the poor man, will be inundated, completely by women....there is no way around it. There are more women, than a lot of places! Well, I am an addict too...I think, a lot of people might be. They just don't know it. I was an EMT for 3 years; And, after 2.5 years, I couldn't take the pain, death and blood and ER...all of it. I drink, on occasion, now. I've been a physical fitness freak...for the adrenaline...Now, I'm addicted to having to entertain my own self....I can give or take beer...and cigarettes...but, there's always something more out there, You know. I thought maybe I was an alcoholic....But, real alcoholics want to quit drinking...The truth is, Now I don't drink enough, to want to quit....I can't afford to drink, For one and I want to be clearheaded..Maybe, I am an alcoholic with a bad bout of sobriety. Ha ha ha, Surely I gest. You just gotta know, if you are truly an addict, the best thing to know, is you are not alone.

  3. Okay....what the hell??

    You were seriously spinning on this one...and yet, I still found it charming and you made me laugh, so I will allow it.

    Besides, everyone needs a little random addiction/self-diagnosis/blatant sucking up to their female followers in their lives now and then!

  4. So this was interesting, I actually enjoyed reading the post you wrote with the inserts the next day as to what you thought of everything you said. When you say "here I'm trying to suck 'em in with the hopes that people will be attracted to a train wreck" it captured the essence of blogging and online personality. When using only words you can show the world what you want them to see and hide what you don't, often using it to your advantage. This whole post actually spoke to that idea. I think we all only put out there so much of ourselves and keep the rest inside. You seemed to second guess yourself in posting it but then did so anyway, pointing out what you see as your own flaws, which I admire. After all, we're only human. Ok, I'll stop, I'm rambling and I don't know if this even makes sense anymore. Oh yeah, before I go... sucking up is never a bad thing ;)

  5. Ack we're all attention whores aren't we otherwise we wouldn't be doing this nonsense.

    But we all know that and accept each other just the same, aren't we great?

    *stroking ego gently*

  6. Sharon: I think you're cute. You'll always be my miss december.

    Portland's girl: Someday I'm going to buy you a drink.

    Kathryn: You're beautiful, thank you.

    Eva: It makes perfect sense. You got it. I didn't really get it, but I clicked publish. Or, is it all part of the act?

    The Girl: We're quite a group.

  7. i'm taking this writing class now, personal essay, terribly exciting I know. But we are all writing these things from our childhood and so on and so forth etc, thinking we are all revealing so much about ourselves, thinking we are so brave.

    And then the girl across from me wrote about how she got herpes when she was 18. And we all just kind of went, wow... yea you win. Why did I tell this story? I think it had something to do with substance abuse. So you see the correlation right? No? Oh, nevermind then.


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