April 21, 2010

421

So I'm a day late, sue me. How many potheads are really ever on time anyway? On days like yesterday I really miss the stuff. I remember being 16 and ditching school to go smoke ridiculously sized blunts in an old rusted out car with a tarp over it. No one could see us because of the tarp. They could probably smell us three blocks away but who really thinks that far ahead? Marijuana is an awesome drug. It's a drug I've long outgrown but in many ways it saved my life. Until I started smoking the stuff I was a complete square. I was a tightly-wound, bossy, overachieving fuck that was really difficult to get along with. Pot got me to chill the fuck out. Pot taught me to act sober in front of cops. Pot taught me to lie to cops. Pot is the only reason a male (police officer! wasn't a casual thing) has ever fondled my balls. Pot taught me to stash drugs in the bottom of my shoe instead of in my sock because how do you pat down the sole of someones shoe? Now that I think about it pot taught me everything I need to know about dealing with the police and I've only been arrested once (and it wasn't because of pot).

Ages 16-20 are pretty hazy now. I smoked pot everyday at least once during that time period except for 3 days during a drought in July of  '99. I sort of get what PMS must feel like because Jesus was I fucking irritable those 3 days. I got mad at  the sky for being blue at one point. Now I'm old and shit. Three puffs knocks my dick in the dirt. Thanksgiving was the last time I partaked, before that at a concert here and there. I have no tolerance anymore. I think about the quantities I used to smoke while driving to sporting events and concerts with police lining the streets and wonder how I wasn't scared shitless. Smoking large amounts of weed while driving around aimlessly produced some of the best memories of my life, and I can't even remember half of them. Being young, dumb and stoned was really fun. Really, really fun. Don't be scared to let your 14 year old nieces or nephews take a hit off your joint because you know damn well it was cool when your uncle offered it to you. It's not a gateway drug, either. I never tried any other drugs when I was stoned, but I've tried just about every drug you don't need a needle for while drunk. I love drugs, they're underrated. My advice is to do as many different drugs as you can because then you won't have the time or money to get addicted to just one. Do them all, in moderation. Choosing one drug is like getting married. It'll never be as good as it was before you made at a commitment and before you know it you'll be trolling around for something new.

Pot is hot!

Plz fwd thiz 2 ur kidz!!!!!!

10 comments:

  1. You should really start writing after school specials :)

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  2. Ha! I think potheads are the funniest when there is a drought. They aren't scary like meth addicts or heroine addicts. They just all cranky and stressed. It's hilarious. I think pot is a pretty cool drug and I don't smoke it, so I rather enjoyed this post.

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  3. check this out: http://blogtown.portlandmercury.com/BlogtownPDX/archives/2010/04/20/i-have-something-sincere-to-say-about-420-guys

    (the cannabis cafe is around the corner from me - the quote about planning had me rolling...)

    being divorced from an addict, i'll say that it can be a gateway drug depending on the person...most people i know who've tried pot, including myself, also tried other drugs...my exhusband was a heroin addict who started out by drinking, then smoking weed, then coke, then heroin...and heroin is not something you sample. it fucks up lives.

    there's my soap box. i know some of the comments are wry but others have a deep effect, and good or bad i appreciate your words and how they bring up conversation. even when you're bein' silly.

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  4. Eva: That's a fantastic idea, I'll look into that.

    Holly: Glad you got a kick out of it.

    Eco: That's so stupid that they can't even smoke their Rx anywhere. Laws can be so silly. Glad you enjoyed it anyhow.

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  5. hilarious. I'm curious was it a conscious effort to stop smoking as often or did it just happen naturally over time

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  6. What an accomplishment when someone decides to give up smoking! Loving your writing style!
    Wishing you a great day!
    Betty

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  7. Oh dear I was like you, I smoked up half of the world supply of cannabis and hash in my late teens/early twenties. Then one day I went mad I think, like a gibbering idiot, so stopped.
    If I ever touch it again I get that 'what was that?!' or 'who's at the door??!' or 'did I say that or just think that?'
    There are still fools around thinking it is a gateway drug. Yeah right. Give me some good evidence, not anecdotal or hearsay evidence.
    Oh lord Im raving, so I better shut the fug up.
    Good post sonny-jim
    You may wish to watch this on blogspot if you find yourself on the wrong side of the law if caught with 'substances'
    http://freestudents.blogspot.com/2010/04/10-rules-for-dealing-with-police.html

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  8. Christine: Ha! yea, that's the episode that didn't get aired that you can only find now on the unrated DVD.

    Elan: A little of both really. After a while the amount I had to smoke to get a good high was a bit ridiculous. Also, I had to grow up and take drug tests so that was the final nail in the coffin.

    Betty: Why thank you! It was tough for a while but got much easier.

    Dan: Yea that's about right. I think I had a twitch for a week or two after as well. I'll give that video a look even though I hardly use anything and definitely don't carry anything anymore.

    Fra_zz: Glad you enjoyed it! Stop by anytime.

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