April 24, 2010
She sent me a letter, a video was enclosed. I watched it, thinking it was for me. It was for me alright but it wasn’t made for me. I saw her in bed, laying there, looking beautiful. Her eyes focused on the camera, focused on me. What a beautiful girl. The camera zoomed out a little too fast, it made everything blurry. Things started to come into focus, I could see her entire body. Naked, exposed, sexy as hell. Then things became clear. Someone took a razor blade and drew designs deep into her depraved flesh. She looked like she’d been tattooed with a butcher knife. I recoiled in horror, terrified of what had been done to my little angel. She looked up at the camera, at me, and smiled. She turned playfully to her side, exposing her right arm enough to let me read it. ‘Diagnosis’ was carved into her arm. I searched for a meaning and couldn’t find one. She smiled again and the camera shook. It came into focus, I wiped my eyes. She was on top of another man. Joyfully riding him the way I’ve seen her on top of me so many times. I was in denial, terrified. I thought it might have been our old home movie. Some tape I’d discarded and left under my mattress. She rolled off him and underneath was another man, beaming. He stole the look she used to give me. Devastation set in, fear overcame me. I thought about all of my sins, all of my shortcomings and all of my mistakes. Luckily it was just a dream, but if I don’t pull it together it’ll become a real life nightmare. I’ve seen my demise, it’s up to me to destroy it.