July 28, 2010

Artful Fascism

Image taken from: http://utltrn.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/support.jpg

She approached me wearing a "support community theatre" t-shirt. Before she could say anything I said "no", emphatically. She raised her right eyebrow and probably wondered to herself if I was drunk, on drugs or insane. After rebuilding her confidence she threw me a quizzical "no?".

"I won't support community theatre" I responded. "Those fascists running the place are living in the past and only seek to stifle creativity and shove Shakespeare down the throats of the masses they can't even attract. Fascism without an audience is the worst kind of fascism."

"You seem bitter. Did you get rejected for the part of Romeo or something? I can't see how, you seem like a real charmer."

"Hamlet? Are you insane? Why would anyone ever want to play one of Shakespeare's characters? I'd cut out a pound of my own flesh before I'd even consider it! Have you ever seen the movie Psycho?"

"Hitchcock? Yea, of course."

"Great movie right? Classic in American film by all accounts, would you agree?"


"Now, do you remember the Psycho remake they did in 1998?"

"They made a remake? That's stupid, I don't even remember that."

"Exactly! It was awful. Remakes are always awful! Once a work of art has reached perfection any other attempt at recreating it is just going to be a cheap rehash that does a disservice to the greatness that preceded it. The definitive Hamlet was probably 300 years ago yet we still try to duplicate past glories in the vain attempt to replicate perfection. We have to stop remaking and start creating! We need to stop sucking the teet of Shakespeare's genius because all that's left at this point is powdered milk."

"And you're the next Shakespeare that's going to save theatre, right?" As she rolls her eyes.

"At least I'm trying! I had a one-man show that was going to completely revolutionize drama as we know it! I was going to cast down the shackles of oppression and let my spirit hang free!"

"Hang free?" She laughs. "Wait, were you the guy that wanted to do the naked one-man show? You are insane! Even if we thought your show was going to be any good you still wouldn't have been able to perform it. Have you ever heard of public indecency laws? You'd get arrested."

"You theatre people are cowards! Blaming other fascists for your own fascism! How typical! Don't use semantics to try and weasel your way out of responsibility. If you hide behind fascists you are a fascist yourself!"


  1. All the while reading this I kept thinking at some point you and the chick were going to hook up. :( le sigh

  2. the only good shakespeare in my opinion was the moonlighting episode where they remade 'taming of the shrew'. oy.

    well aren't you perky today!

  3. Remakes are the worst. I'd much rather stick to the original.

  4. Loved this post, great thoughts, Christopher!!
    I agree ..remakes are definitely the worst.

    What an Art Fascism, indeed!
    Hope you have a great day!
    B :)

  5. amen, eva.

    remakes are terrrrible.

    shakespeare MUST be turning in his grave.

  6. Funny stuff. And true. The world has been suckling the teet of Bill for far too long. (But, really, he already wrote every story, every plot arc. Insert different places and names and words...)

    I still love to read his sonnets, but I NEVER want to see another play/movie remake again. Thine apothecary needs to be FAR stronger to make that happen.

    I'm all for free hanging spirit.



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