Viva la Devolution!

I will be impressed by anyone who can tell where this image is from.

So things have been getting a bit nutty here in the good 'ol U.S. of A. Well, more nutty than normal anyhow. Since health care passed last week death threats have been filling up the mailboxes of Democratic Congressmen and women around the country. That's probably normal nutty, right? Then their offices start getting bricked. Uh oh. Wait not just bricked but shot at? Eeek. Fuel lines in homes cut? Yikes. Then on the same day a man confessed to plotting against President Obama's life it turns out an anti-government "Christian" militia was planning to kill a Detroit cop and then bomb his funeral to kill all the cops in attendance in order to insight some sort of civil war. Jesus Fucking Christ!

I really wouldn't be surprised if I turned on the TV in the next couple days and read about a Congressman getting shot. Do we really want the '60's back? Sure the music was awesome but I get the feeling this unrest will be more death metal and less Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. I guess this is just kind of how history works. When things change people become scared. We're better off because of the conflicts in the 60's after all. I pray it doesn't take the death of anymore Kennedys or Kings to make it happen. We all know our country has some serious structural issues that need to be addressed and will have to be addressed in the next 10 years. We can't escape the pile of absolute shit that the baby-boomers heaped on us. Let's just try to lay off the booze and guns and work this out, we're all hurting.

To the angry nutjobs of America if you don't agree with me then look back at history. The Kennedy Assassination only made it easier to pass Civil Rights legislation. Violence will only push people further left and solidify the positions of the right as extreme, dangerous and bad for the country. Change is like the monster under the bed, it only seems scary.

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Playful

I let her take a drag off my cigarette. Her hands are, shall we say, restricted. I wipe the sweat from her brow. It's been dripping into her eyes, they're all watered up. I see my reflection in her fear, it excites me. I smirk and think to myself "that's the least of her problems." I look into her eyes, my fingers toy with the key to her pleasure. At that moment I know she loves me. At that moment I know it'll never be the same again. Do you remember play-doh? You put the play-doh into the cheap plastic machine and add the mold. You push the lever down and whatever you molded comes out. It comes out in stars, triangles and squares. Whatever mold you choose appears. After a few molds pop out and you get them between your fingers you realize how fragile they are. You get the mold of a heart between your thumb and pinky finger and crush it. Feel the way it squishes; feel the way it transforms to a worthless ball without meaning.

You think you're different? So did blue, so did red, so did green and so did gray. They all got smashed together into a forgettable ball called ex. What makes you so special? I don't have to be nice to you. I won't be nice to you. IF, and that's a big IF, I choose to be nice to you it's because your ass has a unique curve. It's because your mouth lacks a gag reflex. It's because I can call you without hearing any useless bullshit.

I'm a monster. I know what I am. If you want to pretend I'm a vampire with sparkly skin that's your mistake. I'll suck out your life-force without regret and I'll make sure you recognize your own naivete before I steal your last breath. You have an inflated sense of purpose. You spend your time wondering if you'll fit into this or if you'll look fat in that but no one really cares. You ask those questions because you're insecure. I pray for the insecure. I prey on the insecure. I'll devour you. I'll wrap my fingers around your throat and make you beg for more. Go ahead and act offended, you know you want it. You're a silly girl and I'm here to violate you. I will violate you, you'd be disappointed if I didn't.

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EcoGrrl is Awesome!

Do you know EcoGrrl from EcoGrrl Speaks...? No? Well you really should. I was so lame until I met EcoGrrl, OK I still am, but I got a little less lamer just because I came across her page. Seriously, I was pretty much Steve Urkel with vitiligo before I met her, now I'm just Steve Urkel. Yes that's right, she cured my Michael Jackson disease. I didn't even ask her to, she just did it. She just casually said that I should go out and enjoy the spring and 'poof' all the white blotches that covered my entire body were gone. According to EcoGrrl and all her voodoo magic if you go out in the sun that pasty white skin will slowly start to brown, who knew?

Speaking of outdoors she's like really awesome when it comes to all that natural green stuff I'm always seeing on my TV that's powered by a gas generator because I'm just not completely sure that no solar power gets into my building's sockets. She has this awesome garden that she's been working on and since she's so smart and awesome she can actually get stuff to grow in it. Stuff you can eat! I know, right? Awesome! All I've ever grown in my life was a 2-inch pot plant.

Oh, and she makes these organic truffles, too. You can buy some just click on this link here or on the picture below. I've never had them but they look delicious. Even if I did have some I could never bring myself to actually eat one. I'm not worthy of touching anything that was ever in contact with her delicate hands. I'd seriously be so thankful to anyone that would try one and describe over the phone what it's like to taste the manna of the God's. Don't mind the heavy breathing I have weak lungs because I'm so lame.

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As you may remember towards the end of my review of Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy I said the following in regards to the novel:

"Give it an honest shot, if you don't enjoy it I'll write a blog dedicated to you and you're awesomeness and of me and my lameness."

 In response to my post EcoGrrl left the following comment:

"darlin' this is where you and i differ. get to writing about my super awesomeness.

i was always intimidated by it but then (don't laugh), it was on oprah's book club so i thought, okay if they can do it, i can do it. it took me 2 weeks to go about 50 pages, i just was not drawn into it at all. when i don't care about the characters or what happen to them, i don't see much use in continuing, so, like with (gasp!) Kerouac, I finally just said hell with it and shut the book and sold it back to Powell's. sorry dude ;("

While I disagree with EcoGrrl's assessment of a novel I absolutely fell in love with I did give my word. Luckily, this post was easy to write because EcoGrrl is really awesome. I've always enjoyed her blog (even if it reminds me how lazy I am when it comes to sustainability) and she's always left insightful comments on my blogs (even if I didn't particularly enjoy this one). Even if I hadn't lost a bet I'd still say that.

Sometimes being a man of your word sucks but the offer on my Anna Karenina blog still stands because I'd love for everyone to read it. You really can't lose here. Either you'll enjoy an amazing novel or you'll get to listen to me go on and on about how awesome you are and how lame I am (which is hard for me because I have very high opinions of myself).

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What Now?

So what happens next now that the health care debate is finally over and done with? The bill is passed. It is actually passed. We can breathe again America (particularly if you have asthma). Over the next few years America's health care system will undergo some drastic changes that help us. Working people without health care will have health care within the next four years. That is really nothing short of amazing.

31 million people will be able to go to the doctor. To put that in perspective Iraq has a population of just under 31 million; Australia just under 23 million; Cambodia plus the Netherlands is just about 31 million. Unless you're a rich bastard your taxes won't go up either. How can anyone really be pissed about this legislation? Do you get mad because sick kids won't be denied coverage? Do you get mad because people will be able to stay on their parents insurance until they're 26? You sure can't get mad because we're essentially insurance a country the size of Iraq without your taxes going up while the deficit goes down. People are going to love this shit and are only going to want more.

It'll be a few years until people start to see all of the benefits and that is going to make the next couple years a bit difficult still. So what happens now on the political landscape? Here are my guesses:

2010: A major push for financial regulations begins now that health care is done. Another jobs bill likely before elections.

2010 Midterm Elections: Republicans probably pick up some seats but not as many as people think they will. The thing pundits don't realize is that Americans are fatigued by the bitterness of the health care debate and the perception that Democrats aren't getting anything done. The debate is over and Democrats passed the most important piece of domestic legislation since the 1960's. Change has come even if it wasn't pretty. Democrats retain majorities in the House and Senate although not the overwhelming majorities they currently hold.

2011-12: Education and energy reform start to pick up steam. Don't ask, don't tell will be gone forever. We'll be almost completely out of Iraq aside from some training and diplomatic staff. The economy slowly starts getting better although I doubt unemployment drops below 7%. It'll be a while before we completely recover.

2012: Obama wins again with decisive margins. The guy is just that fucking cool and everyone knows it. Can you imagine some Bush clone beating Mr. Cool? No fucking chance. He can't lose, we can't either.

That's my blueprint and prediction for the overall outline of American politics for the next 3 years. Pretty confident this is what will happen. We deserve to keep going in this direction.

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Anna Karenina: A Review

I think Anna Karenina might be the best book ever written.  It makes my top 3 without question. Speaking of lists, there is a reason Tolstoy and Shakespeare duke it out for the title of greatest writer of all time. There is a reason Tolstoy has not one, but two novels in any serious top ten greatest novels of all time list. Generally, when I review something I try to give some opinions and let the reader decide for him/herself if he or she thinks she would enjoy this book. This time, however, I can proclaim with confidence that this is a book that everyone in the world should read at least once. No writer, in particular, should pass on this gem. The timing and pacing is the best I've ever seen in a novel. Characters and their various arcs coincide at the perfect times in ways you wouldn't expect. There were times where I nearly had an anxiety attack because two characters that I could never imagine talking to each other were put together into the same room with amazing results. I can't even imagine the amount of work and thought Tolstoy must have put into this masterwork (he did rewrite it nine times if that's any indication).

Debates on philosophy, atheism, religion, science, progress, politics and social standing that were raging in Russia at the time were threaded into the story with the subtlety of a great craftsman. There were so many "Aha!" moments that randomly popped up and then fluttered away in a couple paragraphs. Unlike Dostoevsky, who expounded on his philosophies deliberately and with detail Tolstoy never forces an argument down your throat. This book, at it's heart, is about the characters and only about the characters. You just feel a bit smarter and ask a few more questions about life as you go along reading. 

I know you're thinking "sure Christopher, that sounds all well and good but when I read, I read for pleasure. Anna Karenina is 800 pages long and it's so old, it sounds like it'd be terribly dry and hard to follow." I was as skeptical as you! I'm not trying to trick you because I think it'll make the world a better place. I read War and Peace (which I loved in different ways) last summer and it took me 3 months. I finished Anna Karenina in 3 weeks. I couldn't put the thing down. Tolstoy creates memorable, complicated characters that face, in many ways, the same problems we still face today. The language is simple, straightforward and easy to read.

Give it an honest shot, if you don't enjoy it I'll write a blog dedicated to you and you're awesomeness and of me and my lameness.

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"Don't Be Evil"

Google has stopped censoring search results in China and I tip my hat to them. A few months ago the Chinese government hacked the gmail accounts of a number of human rights activists. Google hacked them back and tensions with the the Chinese government had greatly increased. Today Google pulled the plug on the censored version of its omnipresent search engine. I'm assuming the uncensored Google has already been blocked by the government. I have to say I admire Google turning down a market of a billion-plus potential customers based on principle. In the frenzy of economic rape that's been taking place for a couple of decades now I can't remember any other multi-national corporations pulling out of China because what their government does is essentially evil. Remember when communism was supposed to be bad? Now our country is economically dependent on it. You know how we have sanctions against poor communist countries like Cuba because of their human rights abuses? Why aren't there sanctions against China? Now that communism is getting us cheap stuff at Wal-Mart all of that principled anti-communism is dead. You'd think all these huge companies that fund the anti-health care movement and label it socialism would take a stand against communism, wouldn't you?

Kudos to you Google, let's see if anyone has the principle to follow suit.

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It'll be ok

I want to spill my guts out but I can't. A paragraph of honesty and deliverance would save my soul right now. I have a feeling something bad happened but I can't say what. I just pray I'm wrong. I hate bad feelings. Please tell me I'm wrong. As soon as things start getting better I get an uppercut to the jaw. It is so hard to be an atheist when things go bad. I have no one to turn to. No one that would believe me. I've talked to the sky three times tonight and all it did was snow on me. I'll be OK, I think. I have to prove a couple things to a of couple people because although I may think my life is fulfilling when you weigh it on the cosmic scales I'm not so sure. I pray to God that I'm wrong and I pray to God that there is an afterlife. I want to see you again. I want to make up for the things I didn't do that I knew I should have. I love you. I love you. I love you. I wish I would have said it then. I didn't talk to you because of laziness. I didn't think I had the time for you but I did. I could have been there. I'm only there when it's too late. I have crocodile tears and regrets. My priorities are fucked. How could I care about anything but you? I get a couple ominous phone calls and all of a sudden I'm repentant. I'm a fucking pussy. Be proud of your son. He did so much for all of us. I can't think of a better person in the world besides him. Through all the bullshit we've been through he's the best role model I could ever ask for and from the bottom of my heart I thank you for that. The best gift you ever gave me was something to aspire to. I love you. I really love you. How many people can say they have a classically trained artist protecting them? And a woman? In those times? I wish I had your creative talents. I think my brother does, he sees the world in shapes and sizes too. I can't imagine what a talent like that must be like. You could actually see the world in all it's glory, the best I'll ever be able to do is describe it. You made me appreciate Picasso. You showed me Picasso, in person. You showed me so much beauty. How lucky was I to see Dali in person when I was 6? You're the reason we aren't all insurance salesman. You're the reason we can appreciate beauty. You are beauty. I love you. I love you so much and I never expressed it. I hope I'm wrong, I hope you're OK and I'm just paranoid. I love you so much. It can't be true. You're too stubborn for that. I love you. My kids will appreciate impressionism and surrealism. You'll be the reason why. I love you. I love you.

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Odd Day

Apparently I'm a suspect in a murder. They didn't drag me away in cuffs or anything but it was still scary. Innocent or not it still doesn't look good to have some detectives show up at work. I haven't even been in this job that long, imagine the rumors. "They're talking to the new guy about some murder, he seemed so normal too." Yea, don't see any office romances queuing up for me anytime soon. Hell, I'll be surprised if I ever even have a one-on-one meeting again. I wouldn't want to be in the same room as someone accused of murder, would you? At this point I don't even feel like being around myself. I haven't smoked pot in quite a while, but right now I could seriously use a joint. Isn't life stressful enough on it's own? I've already got issues. Just because some girl I fucked turned up dead I've gotta turn my whole life upside down? She wasn't even that hot.

It was kind of cool in a way though. I felt like I was on an episode of NCIS or something. I realized there's a third reason for using condoms today. I don't have to worry about Gibbs going crazy with that black light all over her apartment. It's a joke people, too soon? She had these big brown sad eyes and now that I'm thinking of them it's making me really sad. I thought she was special until I heard about the way she runs around. Honestly, it serves her right. The odds are if you bring home random guys every night one of them will turn out to be a killer sooner or later. I was so pissed when I found out. We were out having drinks when she ran into some old fling. I could tell there was something between them by the way he smiled at her. He left, or so I thought. He must have snuck into the woman's bathroom and then surprise, surprise she had to go to the bathroom. She came out smiling and laughing. Laughing at me. When you possess a woman the way I possessed her it's easy to tell when she'd just been fucked. The whore, that's what she gets. She was useless really. My mother told me she was nothing but trouble but I didn't listen. I usually always listen to mother. I'm such an idiot. She was such a bitch. She didn't even want to meet mother. She probably felt guilty because she knew she was a skank and mother would've been able to tell. Oh well, it's all over now. She won't be tormenting me anymore.

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Differential

Apathy is so cool. I'm trying hard to explain it but my head hurts. Have you ever been on a blind date that lasted too long? I haven't, but I imagine that this is what it's like. I'm pretty sure you have stopped reading this. If you haven't I send my condolences. I talked to a judge today, it was only a traffic ticket. She looked like someone I wanted to fuck twenty years ago. I wish she would have. She would have gotten a felony for having sex with a minor. Now I'm an adult and I'm not very good at it. Have you ever tried to write laughter? Have you ever tried to design joy? I did. They said I'd never be a serious architect. I said I've been building glass houses my whole life. They said that didn't count. I threw a rock. Breaking things makes me happy. Have you ever taken a sledge-hammer to a sheet of drywall? I didn't think so. Shut up. You're such a fucking fag. I hate that I use that word casually. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to justify it. I know how to change the subject. My conscience caught up with me. For once I couldn't change the subject. That makes me laugh. Lots of things do. Who really cares? If you're reading this something is wrong with you. What do you call non-fatal brain cancer? I'm not sure, but that's what you have. You're going to think about how life should have been until you realize that computers are only cool if you're at work. If you're at work and reading this shit then you're awesome. Really, I mean it. I took time out of my life to write this crap and if you're getting paid to read this then you're a cross between a hope and a prayer. I don't know what that means. I just added a cliche to a sentence that wasn't working. Ever try to add a penis to a relationship that isn't working? I have. Luckily I got it back. Never date a girl that isn't ticklish, at least a little bit. I'll tell my first-born son that on his fifth birthday. Satisfying a woman that isn't ticklish is like pleasuring a limp statue. Eventually you'll run out of saliva and lay on the bed looking away ashamed. It's spring. I can buy Italian ice on the way home. Jealous?

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The Pitfalls of Blogging

This will make sense once you read the last paragraph.

Blogging is a fascinating form of expression. I’ve immensely enjoyed my time here on blogger and I put a bit of effort into putting together something either interesting, informative or insane for anyone that stops by. Sometimes, however, it all goes terribly wrong. This was supposed to be yesterday’s post but it turned into a miserable failure and I’m going to explain why. Commentary is in italics.

I came up with the concept for a blog about how I’ve relied on style over substance for most of my life. I’ve always been good with grasping concepts and communicating them well to others without paying much attention to detail. The title, I thought, fit because I tend to use style to overshadow the shortcomings of my work.

Substance Abuse

I’ve got a confession to make. One that is a lot easier to make here to you strangers than to people I know and love. I’ve got a problem. It all started in high school (what doesn’t?) and it’s been with me ever since. I’m an addict and I always will be. I’m beyond redemption really. Here I’m trying to suck ‘em in with the hopes that people will be attracted to a train wreck. As much as it pains me to say all I can really do is manage my addiction to half-assed work. You thought you had me finally, didn’t you? No, this isn’t the often requested alcoholism post. It instead deals with my preference for style over substance. Here I make light of the not-at-all-funny issue of addiction by comparing my own distaste for hard work to alcoholism and drug-abuse. Classy.

Since I was a young child I’ve worked to cultivate the image that I’m a man of substance and complexity when in fact this isn’t true at all. Here I’m saying that it’s all a charade that I have any substance but really my ego is trying to say to the world “Hey! Look at me I try so hard to sound deep! Appreciate Meeeeeeeeeee. In reality I’m only really good at two things: wordplay and excuses. This is actually true although I’d probably add making a killer sandwich at 4 AM. I learned at an early age that I could talk myself out of just about any predicament short of a fashion faux pas like wearing an embryo necklace. I take great delight in saying things I shouldn‘t, this was another example of that. In the academic world, my witty wordplay excused my utter disdain for research. Hey look at me I went to college and all I learned how to do was string together two words that start with the letter W. The practical application of such talents in the pursuit of women is obvious. Yea, like I’d have a blog if I was that good with the ladies. I won’t go into detail on that point because the women that frequent this blog are much too intelligent to fall prey to such dastardly tricks. Oh no. Besides, I’d never want to offend any of my beautiful female readers. Idiot. Seriously, I’ve got to have the hottest followers on blogger. Oh, it gets worse. I’m thinking “Ladies of Blogger” Calendar for 2011. 20 bucks a calendar, a dollar to each of the lovely contributors, how could we go wrong? It was at this point that I realized this could never be posted. Then I realized I needed to take myself down a peg and in fact did need to post it.

This stuff below was originally weaved in there somehow and shows just how messed up I really am. Goodbye followers, it was fun.

When I was about 12 I heard about the “Great Books Program” pioneered by Columbia University and the University of Chicago in the 1920’s and I was enthralled with the idea. Not because of any academic aspirations or anything but just because it had “great” in the title. How fucked up of a kid do you have to be to read Machiavelli’s The Prince and then decide to fill it with 4-leaf clovers with the hope that you’ll grow up with some sort of evil good-luck mojo? One afternoon whilst daydreaming I wondered if it was possible that I was the second coming of Christ because my name is Christopher and I was born on Christmas Day. I ruled it out minutes later because I thought I’d make a better anti-Christ. I don’t even know what to call the disorder I have. I googled Napoleon complex but had to rule that out because I’m 6’ tall. Unless…  Wait, when they’re talking about short-man syndrome are they referring to ol’ Floppy?

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Dr. Brainwash or: How I Learned to Stop Thinking and Love Texas

According to everyone’s favorite source: Yahoo! News, Texas is the textbook capital of America. 80% of U.S. textbooks are printed in Texas. These textbooks have to meet guidelines imposed by the Texas School Board. The Texas School Board has endorsed these changes to the textbooks your kids will be using next year:

A reduced scope for Latino history and culture
Sorry fastest growing minority in America. Take your Pancho Villa and shove it.

A more positive portrayal of Cold War anticommunism
Yes, children. It turns out Joseph McCarthy was in fact an American hero. Who cares that he ruined the lives of countless Americans for only exercising their right to free speech? You care, Johnny? You go on teacher’s blacklist.

Confederate General Stonewall Jackson as a role model for effective leadership
Have the blood of thousands of Americans on your hands? Fear not, you can still be an American hero. At this rate I wonder how long it’ll take bin-Laden to get on Mt. Rushmore.

Now the one that has really infuriated me (so mad I even wrote parts with caps lock on):

Thomas Jefferson no longer included among writers influencing the nations intellectual origins
My head is going to explode. HE WROTE THE FUCKING DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE! He wrote THE origin document for the United States of America. Without that beautiful piece of parchment we would not be a country. I can’t comprehend it. I don’t understand it. If there aren’t massive boycotts of textbooks from Texas I think we should kick them out of the union. How can we let our children be taught that the most important political writer and mind in American history isn’t that important? I never in my life thought a situation would arise where I'd be in favor of book burning. It is an outrage and a travesty and I’m just honestly fucking pissed.

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U.S./Israeli Relations

The Israelis have been pushing and pushing against the U.S. for the last decade. Despite U.S. efforts from Democratic and Republican Administrations alike to finally come to a settlement with the Palestinians the Israeli government is simply hell-bent on doing whatever  they want. Since the creation of Israel the United States has been the closest, and currently only, ally of the Jewish state. A change in tactics is clearly needed because Israel has become too pig-headed to make any compromises - ever. Announcing the settlement of 1,600 new homes in disputed East Jerusalem in front of Vice President Joe Biden was a deliberate slap to the face of U.S. peace efforts and only adds to instability in the Middle East. Why should we kiss Israel's ass when they won't even show us diplomatic respect? Israel would not exist were it not for our support. Both Iraq wars were at least partly waged to reduce threats to the Israeli state.

If Israel does not want a serious cooling in relations with the United States I think they should seriously consider how much more lonely the world would look without our financial and military support. The Jewish voting bloc in the United States is not nearly as important as it has been and a significant change in U.S./Israeli relations for the first time in history is not unthinkable. I seriously hope the Israeli people send a message to their leaders soon that peace is needed and needed soon. That concessions should be made. That things aren't hopeless. I sincerely want Israel to continue to be one of our strongest allies. I pray, for Israel's sake, that it wants the same.
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Image taken from: http://walt.foreignpolicy.com/files/images/090716_obamaisrael.jpg

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Repercussions

My great grandmother was a terrible pack-rat. When we finally had to pry her from her overrun house there were only little paths left to walk around on. The house she’d lived in for some 50 odd years was filled with random junk that she just couldn’t part with. She had a drawer full of little Baskin-Robbins spoons for crying out loud. She defended her junk the best she could. The first time my mother and grandmother went over to clean it they were chased out with an umbrella. The second time they just kidnapped her for a couple weeks and had a dumpster sent over. She survived the Great Depression, people learned to value things back then.

I wonder how these times will affect our generation. Will we still have the original 20lb Ipods stuffed in the bottom of our closets when we’re in our 70’s? I tend to have high aspirations for our generation. We seem to be more practical than the bipolar baby boomers that went from peace, love and hippie communes to conservative devils like Karl Rove. We don’t do excess nearly as well as they did back in the 80’s when greed was still hip and coke wasn’t completely cut to shit. We’re well educated. We have information access on levels never thought imaginable even 30 years ago. More than that we talk to each other. It’s hard to hate someone  you know. It’s hard to destroy a country when you have friends that live there. In the couple months I’ve been blogging here I’ve read the inner thoughts and desires of people from all parts of the world and you know what? I’d like to see them succeed.

I don’t see the world being such a scary place twenty years from now. A big reason for that will be us. Don’t despair no matter how tough things seem now. We’re the sober generation. Ten years from now when we look back at what we’ve accomplished will be able to hold our heads high and toast to a better world.

I truly believe this with all of my heart.
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Image taken from: http://sexualityinart.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/1o-phoenix-f-ire.JPG

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ABC's

Attending to some last minute Christmas shopping Elise was browsing the quaint shop looking for a trinket her auntie would display proudly in her China cabinet. Browsing the store had proved fruitless so far. Cutting out and grabbing a bite to eat seemed like a lot more fun. Debating with herself between Chinese and Mexican  as she made her way to the door she was surprised with an intriguing visitor. Elise had not seen this man since she was still an impressionable young lady that still blushed at the sight of a smiling young gentleman. Far from being innocent, yet even farther from being a jaded old maid, she was at the wonderful stage in a woman’s life where the world still seems before her not because she’s young and silly but because she’s matured and smart enough to realize that it actually is. Glenn was one of her first lovers but not the kind you look back upon with fondness. He was the one that promised her the world only to take everything she had, never to be seen again. Instead of thinking back on her sleepless, tear-filled nights or going into a rage over what he took from her she instead calmly looked at him with a beautiful young woman’s most potent weapon: indifference.

Just from a glance Glenn could tell she wasn’t the same sweet girl from his past. Killing him was the thought that he was at least partly responsible for turning that sweet, passionate girl into this cold and calculating young woman. Long ago, or so it seemed, he got a rush from seducing pretty girls. Men, some of them anyway, get a perverse thrill from holding a tender heart firmly in their fist until the last drop of blood spills onto the ground. Never again will she trust like that. Out of that destruction also came a lasting sense of guilt for Glenn. Proud as he is of the man he’s become, every time he sees one of “them” a feeling of dread and remorse overcomes him. Qualms aside, she is standing right there in front of him and he has to figure out how to proceed. Respectfully he slips her a pensive glance, hoping to spark a conversation that would let him apologize for his youthful indiscretions.

She looked at him with great disinterest as he stuttered and tried to speak. Though he sincerely wanted to open up, spill it out and close that painful chapter all he could do was smile like a jerk. Unable to break the ice he began to walk away and find a place to bury all those old memories. Vacantly, she watched him turn to leave when she said “Glenn?” with hesitation and curiosity. Wanting answers, for some strange reason, she asked how he’d been, what he does and all that sort of meaningless talk. Xanax should have been prescribed in this shop, the anxiety in the air was palpable. “You never called”, she said. “Zorry”, was his feeble reply.

Give me a break, it’s hard to find a good Z word to be the zenith of a story.
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Image taken from: http://www.thommitchell.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/abcs1.jpg

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Deficit Spending

There is so much talk about reducing the deficit and runaway government spending. Why is there never talk about runaway government spending in the Defense Department? The United States, according to a study by the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute, spent 607 billion dollars on military expenditures in 2008. The country with the next highest military expenditures is China with 84.9 billion. No one else in the world even tops 100 billion yet we need to spend 600 billion? Out of all the money spent on defense in the entire world the United States spends 41% of it. If we cut military spending in half we could pay for health care and countless other domestic priorities and still spend 3.5 times the amount China spends on defense. The defense industry is such a huge lobby that no one has ever even mentioned cutting defense spending as a way to solve the nations problems. Two wars or not you can’t tell me a hundred billion a year couldn’t be trimmed from the defense budget without hurting our troops.

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Old Soul

Some nights I put on Chinatown, play jazz records, smoke cigarettes and wonder what it’d be like to live in a world where no one gives a damn about your emotional intelligence.

Some mornings I ride the El and look over at the kid with black hair, torn clothes, holes in his face and wires dripping from his ears and dream about a world where people read newspapers and wear black because they wore their blue suit the day before.

Some afternoons I saunter through city streets jaywalking, dodging cabs and admiring alluring young women when a grin flashes across my face as it becomes clear that not all pleasures from times since past are gone forever.
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Image taken from: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2476/3877028184_ea344d40ea.jpg

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What's that smell? Spring must be in the air.

It is nearly 50 degrees here in the City of Chicago. The White Sox are kicking the Cubs ass in a spring training game. I went out to grab a six-pack and people were walking around and actually smiling. I haven't seen that since September. Now what, you may ask, would one have for lunch while watching baseball and knocking back a few beers? The answer is obvious to any good Chicagoan: a couple of good old fashioned Chicago-style hot dogs. I think at this point the debate is settled and Chicago officially has the best hot dogs in the world. If die-hard New Yorker and uber-awesome travel show host Anthony Bourdain can admit that we have the best hot dog in the world I think the case is settled. For those of you that disagree - try one. I realize all of you can't just hop on the #8 and go to Maxwell Street like I can so I posted a video with the correct instructions on how to make your very own. Although, I don't even know if you can get neon green relish in the rest of the world. Enjoy.

Ketchup is for posers.
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Voices

She looks up and smiles.

I can still hear her, smell her and taste her on my lips.

I chit, she chats. She flirts, I flirt. I laugh, she laughs.

She’s still on my mind. I’m just a bit distracted.

She buys me a drink, it’d be rude to refuse.

I check my phone, a text. “Coming over 2nite? :D“, it says.

Two car doors open, two car doors shut. Anticipation drips out of my pores.

“Not feeling too good babe, maybe tomorrow” is my reply.

The key turns and the deadbolt clicks. Desire rages.

I keep seeing her in flashes so I strangle her image. I’ll conquer the guilt.

Our bodies embrace, entangled against the wall.

She’s a distant memory, a phase passed long ago.

I follow her to the bedroom. A faint presence tries holding me back. I run my hand through her hair. I hear cries from under the pillow. I push her face into the pillow.

I muffle their screams. I’ll destroy the guilt and pain. I won’t stop until my hunger is sated.

I collapse. Both of them silenced, gone forever.

I look at her and feel ravenous disgust.

I long for her voice but hear only silence.
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Image taken from: http://www.askapril.com/images/articles/silent-struggles-jpg.jpg

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(Hand)gunned Down?

Today the Supreme Court looks at Chicago's handgun ban. I'm torn on this one. In theory, I'm a supporter of second amendment rights. I am a gun-owner (although I have to keep it at my parents house in the 'burbs because of the ban) and I believe that Americans should have the right to carry weapons. Let's just say I do have a bit of a paranoid revolutionary streak. One of my favorite quotes of all time is "when fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross" from Sinclair Lewis. Especially during the Bush years and all of the shady things that went on with the Patriot Act, that quote hit home. In some of my most frustrated moments with the former administration I could envision a time down the road where liberals and libertarians alike could possibly have to unite and fight back - that would be a lot easier with guns. Luckily, Obama got elected and my faith in the American people was restored a bit.

On the other hand, I've been to the funerals of stupid kids getting gunned downed for stupid reasons because they were in a stupid gang. I don't see how lifting the handgun ban is going to help with curbing gang-violence here in Chicago. Yes, you could argue that these kids are already getting illegal guns from somewhere, why ban good law-abiding citizens from owning handguns? That makes sense in a way but, at the same time, there are going to be a lot more guns in the city for these stupid kids to steal. We've got one of the highest homicide rates in the country, is adding a bunch of guns to the powder-keg of a situation in some poor neighborhoods going to help at all? Intuitively I can just say no, it won't.

Do I go on principle here? Or, do I choose practicality? Guns aren't the cause of the problems here, a poor educational system and high unemployment in poor neighborhoods is. Chicago, unless you're in a gang, is still a safe place to be and it will be even if the handgun ban is struck down. In most neighborhoods anyway, where education and income levels are higher.
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Image taken from: http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/84495/thumbs/s-DALEYGUN-large.jpg

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Life of Pi: A Review

I get really annoyed when people bug me over and over to read a book. I guess it goes back to my personal issues with authority. I apparently not only hate being told what to do I even hate getting forceful recommendations. Life of Pi by Yann Martel was given to me about a year ago and I was subsequently bugged about reading it monthly since. One of the reasons it took so long to read it is that it wasn’t sold very well to me. Now that I’m making myself write about it I’m realizing why, it’s a difficult book to describe. I thought it was a book about math to be honest.

The book is divided into three parts. The first part is about Pi Patel’s childhood in India and his religious/spiritual development. Somehow he manages to become Hindu, Muslim and Christian all at once. I’m fascinated with religion so I enjoyed the first part of the book immensely. It also provides a few lessons on the silliness of religious conflict. If one young kid can reconcile being Christian, Muslim and Hindu simultaneously why are we getting into silly religious wars?

The second part of the book consists of our hero Pi being shipwrecked and floating across the Pacific ocean in a lifeboat - with a Royal Bengal Tiger. I’m not making this up. It is an amazing tale of survival by a kid that is just too stubborn to die. Once I got to this point of the book I only put it down to eat and use the bathroom. It was gut-wrenching, riveting and life-affirming. The third part of the book I won’t spoil for you but I will say it really left me bewildered - in a good way. After reading the book I realized why I’d been prodded for a year to read it, it’s really good.
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Image taken from: http://www.thepicky.com/images/2008/02/bengal_tiger.jpg

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