Artful Fascism

Image taken from: http://utltrn.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/support.jpg

She approached me wearing a "support community theatre" t-shirt. Before she could say anything I said "no", emphatically. She raised her right eyebrow and probably wondered to herself if I was drunk, on drugs or insane. After rebuilding her confidence she threw me a quizzical "no?".

"I won't support community theatre" I responded. "Those fascists running the place are living in the past and only seek to stifle creativity and shove Shakespeare down the throats of the masses they can't even attract. Fascism without an audience is the worst kind of fascism."

"You seem bitter. Did you get rejected for the part of Romeo or something? I can't see how, you seem like a real charmer."

"Hamlet? Are you insane? Why would anyone ever want to play one of Shakespeare's characters? I'd cut out a pound of my own flesh before I'd even consider it! Have you ever seen the movie Psycho?"

"Hitchcock? Yea, of course."

"Great movie right? Classic in American film by all accounts, would you agree?"

"Sure."

"Now, do you remember the Psycho remake they did in 1998?"

"They made a remake? That's stupid, I don't even remember that."

"Exactly! It was awful. Remakes are always awful! Once a work of art has reached perfection any other attempt at recreating it is just going to be a cheap rehash that does a disservice to the greatness that preceded it. The definitive Hamlet was probably 300 years ago yet we still try to duplicate past glories in the vain attempt to replicate perfection. We have to stop remaking and start creating! We need to stop sucking the teet of Shakespeare's genius because all that's left at this point is powdered milk."

"And you're the next Shakespeare that's going to save theatre, right?" As she rolls her eyes.

"At least I'm trying! I had a one-man show that was going to completely revolutionize drama as we know it! I was going to cast down the shackles of oppression and let my spirit hang free!"

"Hang free?" She laughs. "Wait, were you the guy that wanted to do the naked one-man show? You are insane! Even if we thought your show was going to be any good you still wouldn't have been able to perform it. Have you ever heard of public indecency laws? You'd get arrested."

"You theatre people are cowards! Blaming other fascists for your own fascism! How typical! Don't use semantics to try and weasel your way out of responsibility. If you hide behind fascists you are a fascist yourself!"

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Slowpaced or Sh**faced?

Random photo I found on Google Images by typing in Door County (Click Image for source).

I am now 28 years old and I've been working real jobs for about 4 years now. How do you know what a real job is? You get vacation time. Vacation time is awesome. It's like a real-life get-out-of-jail-free card. Getting old sucks. I actually like my job, yet I still compare taking a week off to having a prison sentence commuted. It'll never get better, will it?

Before I digress to the point of full blown tangent I'd like to refocus on the purpose of this post: what the hell do I do on vacation? I'm taking a whole week off next week and going up to scenic Door County, Wisconsin. I've never been there myself but I hear its supposed to be very pretty, very quiet and the towns are supposed to be very small. I'm sure to most of you that sounds like a wonderful place to relax and recharge right? Well it leaves me completely F'n clueless. I'm a city boy through and through and will not know what to do with myself with all that time and not very much excitement.

Normally, when I use vacation time, I take off Friday and Monday and high tail it to New York, Denver, Milwaukee, Kansas City, or even just go wild here in Chicago for a few days. These trips are almost always poorly planned, poorly financed, spur of the moment and extremely rushed. My friends and I come home late Monday night, hungover and exhausted only to call in Tuesday morning. This trip is to be completely the opposite of that. This feels, well, grown-up.

I know I'll be Kayaking one day, doing this zip-line tour thing one day and probably cycling a bit and visiting a few wineries. Other than that I'll be on my own quite a bit in the middle of nowhere (especially since the people I'm going with are two sets of couples so I'll the fifth wheel). Help me please! What do grown-ups do at places like these? Save me from playing fill-up-the-recycling-bin-with-wine-bottles all weekend.

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The Death of America

I think we're slowly bleeding out. Despite claims to the contrary we desperately in need of socialism in this country. The middle class is pretty non-existent today. But, we have HD TV's so we don't really notice it. We need to do something drastic, like tax the rich 90% of their income. We used to do it and the country was a lot stronger then. It's better than a bloody revolution someday isn't it? Once a week a church I live near takes in the homeless. The line gets longer every week, it makes me want to cry. Nobody really seems to care though, look how hard it was just to get unemployment benefits extended? All we have to do is tax the fuck out of the top 10%. They've made their money by sending our jobs to China anyway, why are we so concerned with what they want? It's ass-backwards and we need to change it. Until we stop believing the hype that our system is working for us we're going  to stay on life support. At least we'll be able to watch jersey shore though.

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Almost Stranger Than Fiction...

Ten safety deposit boxes filled with unpublished papers by the great Franz Kafka have turned up. Sadly, they all appear to be trapped in a bureaucratic hell similar to something Kafka himself might have invented. Kafka famously told one of his friends to burn all his writings after his death. Thankfully for the world his friend did not honor his wishes. Now there is a dispute on how the works were intended to be handled through successive wills as the writings changed hands over generations. I'm a huge Kafka fan and this is way more exciting to me than the possibility of finding any lost Salinger novels (cough overrated cough). What if Kafka did actually finish one of his novels? What if another masterpiece of creativity is buried in one of those safety deposit boxes? I hope this all gets settled quickly because I can't wait to see what comes out of this.

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The L Word(s)

I've been thinking a lot about lust, leverage, longing and love lately. Also, I've been thinking about how cool the letter "L" is - brought to you by the good people at Sesame Street. You know how you become involved with someone and want to completely possess them? You want every breath they take to somehow mix with the wind and leave a soft, subtle "Christopher" floating in the air (or whatever your name may be).

You grasp at her, you grab her, you take her. Soon after, you want to own her. You want to be in charge, you want things to be your way, on your terms. Through manipulation and dirty tricks you get what you want. You're in control, she belongs to you. You'll never have to worry again because she can't live without you. You made sure she can't live without you. It's all part of the plan.

Then you fuck-up. It can be a small fuck-up like forgetting to text her about something important. It can be a massive fuck-up like telling her you got her friend pregnant and you need to borrow money for the abortion. Hell, there are even medium fuck-ups like telling her she's got a fat ass but you don't care because you like having something to grab. It doesn't really matter what you do. You're going to do something stupid at some point. You can't maintain that level of control you told yourself you could. Then she starts crying. Maybe, she keys your car. Perhaps, a SWAT team has to go find your severed penis in a field. She is lost to you now. You realize your mistakes, you tell her you'll be a better man. You know exactly why you fucked up and you know you'll change it. Too little, too late, she's gone. She won't come back. All you can do is wish she was in your life. Tell yourself about the things you should have done differently and why she should still be with you. It's amazing how quickly a woman can go from wanting to suck on your earlobe to turning completely deaf.

You're left with a lost love. You're left saying goodbye to the only girl you ever thought was perfect for you. You paid lifelong happiness it's last respects. You're too cynical, too defensive, too guarded and too worldly to let it happen to you again. You give up...

Or, you call her. You risk the restraining order and try again with the hope that she's a better person than you. That you are actually worth loving, that you are actually worthy of love. You wanted everything on your terms, you wanted everything your way. You wanted to be the man and instead are left dangling helplessly from the monkey bars victimized by your own tightie whities and wondering what happened when in reality you jumped off the edge without pulling your pants up.

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Bleeding Out

I try to make it home. I'm staggering and stuttering down the road. I can feel it dripping all over me, its seeped into my clothes now. It's dripping down my lip and onto my tongue. It tastes like salt and shame. I crawl to the steps and collapse on the porch. Relieved, I enjoy my resting place.

I rest and wipe the sweat from my brow, fuck its hot... but I wouldn't have it any other way.

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