January 31, 2011

The Long Way Home

It's 3 AM and my face is fucking freezing. I wanted to stay out late with the cool kids. I thought I had a chance but I've never been so severely mistaken in my life. Why didn't I take that ride when the opportunity came? For some reason when I try to swallow going home early and it meets the scotch and Sam in my stomach it just doesn't sit well. So I walk. Alone. Through the cold winter night.

The frigid air creeps into my flesh and makes my bones as numb as my mind. I see one of Chicago's finest looking mighty toasty in his car. I haven't had pigs in a blanket since I was a child. I'll probably burn my building down trying to make them when I get home. What a way to end the night. Local man found burnt to a crisp, blazed by the inferno. Haven't been able to ID the remains. All that was found was two frozen fucking feet.

Image taken from here: http://www.flickr.com/groups/impressionists/discuss/72157623868930174/


  1. In general from late November until the Spring, my feet are always cold. Sometimes sweaty, but still somehow, freezing.

    Bad circulation I guess. Yay me.

  2. I hear it might be a little bit colder than human beings are generally comfortable with this week in your neck of the woods.

    Remember: if an appendage starts turning black, it’s probably time to head indoors!

  3. cold feet are the absolute hardest thing to warm up.

  4. cool kids don't feel the cold.

    or feelings.

  5. The midwest should be getting an epic ice storm, which means bad driving all around, and a horrible time for all. Ugh.

  6. This post makes my feet feel cold. Lol.

    I'm sorry you had such a terrible night. Being stuck out in the freezing cold when your body is exhausted is pretty damn miserable...especially at 3 a.m. Eep!

    I hope you're feeling better. :)

  7. How I miss those Chicago dawgs (not the pigs-in-blanket sort)- the neon-green relish, fresh tomatoes, dill pickles, cukes... mmm...
    So what the hell else did you expect late January at 3am in Chicago?

  8. Aww I don't even know that sort of weather, coming from a sunburnt country. Mate, I tell you what, I will trade my stinking hot, kill your neighbour, can't breathe, lay in a pool of sweat, peel your skin off weather for the face freezing anytime.
    Does a bacon sandwich eaten in bed count as a pig in a blanket? I managed to do that last week, bad boy that I am.
    But seriously hope the weather don't freeze that wonderfully insightful brain of yours my friend

  9. Cold feet makes me feel alive. I sometimes put my bare feet in the snow, and let them stay in there until it hurts.

    It takes forever to regain some sort of normal temperature after that. But I like the process, coming back from the cold, sort of like coming back from death.

  10. Kev: Same here. The rest of me generally always stays warm unless I'm outside for some crazy length of time but I need extra blankets just for my feet it seems.

    KatyDid: I'm actually pretty used to the cold by now. It's the two feet of snow we're supposed to be getting tomorrow that annoys me.

    That's a great tip! Although, I probably shouldn't mention it to any of my black friends. Might lead to an awkward moment.

    Also, I tried commenting on your blog yesterday but it got all buggy and didn't like me. It was pretty funny stuff, your blog that is, my comment was something rambling and included bacon's importance to the internet.

    helen: Indeed thy are, like Kev said above, mine haven't been warm since November.

    kage: I guess that's why I had to leave. Damn these feelings of mine.

  11. K. Syrah: Tell me about it. I spent all day pretending I was sick at work in preparation.

    Jennifer: Actually this is all made up. In reality I just walked to the corner to put something in the mailbox at 1 AM and saw a cop on the other side of the street. Although, I have been in similar situations before, but thanks for your concern anyway!

    Jayne: I didn't actually do that last night. I've done it before in my life, I just had to walk down the street and the cold inspired me to make a creative outlet in which to complain about. Not that I haven't gotten myself into that situation before.

    And yea, makes me wish it was time for baseball already thinking about one of those.

  12. Dan: Yea, I guess both extremes have their downsides. But I'm living in mine so that's the one I complain about. And yea, I'd say that counts as a pig in a blanket. Hell, I'm impressed.

    belle: That sounds rather intense and I love intensity, but, I think if I'm going to make myself freezing cold I'll just do it the old fashioned way, by getting drunk and walking home late at night.

  13. I figured that there might be people better prepared for cold weather than, say, ME. Houstonians tend to start having car accidents if the temperature dips below 50. You DO bring up the dilemma about how African Americans would know when they had frostbite…

    I should probably look to see if there’s something funky going on with the comments on my blog, then. You WOULD have been the 1st person to comment on the new page (other than a stalker or two who somehow trailed me from my old Page That Cannot Be Named).

    I’ve sort of just started posting and not told anyone with the idea that if I build it, they will come…

  14. Badass night. I liked the juxtaposition of "Chicago's finest looking mighty toasty" and "pigs in a blanket." Honed the edge of the retelling. Keep warm.

  15. I may be a little naive about Chicago weather in that what I am about to suggest may not even start to address the severity of the issue, but have you thought about Uggs? I never thought I would say this, as I have loathed Uggs from a fashion point of view, but someone got me a pair this Christmas and I am a changed woman. I am wearing them right now.

  16. Lol, would you like some socks? I could send you up some possum-merino blend socks. Look it up, they are very warm.

    Of course, you'd have to remember to quote me when you recycle that line. . .

  17. Sounds like we could have a cold feet competition. :)

  18. this seems like a common theme in many blogposts as the cold front takes over the nation. Good luck! Dress warm and drink hot cocoa or something!

  19. When I lived in Chi-town, I always stayed out too late with the cool kids. And, no, I don't miss the nasty Chicago winters. You made me cold reading this. BRRRRRRRR!

    Some Guys Are Toads

  20. KatyDid: I'm quite positive they will come considering your high level of awesomeness.

    watchman: I am in the great state of Illinois.

    VR: Glad you enjoyed it! I was quite pleased with myself when I came up with that little part.

    Missed Periods: Nah, I've got some regular work boots that do just fine in the snow. Thanks for the tip though.

  21. Peridot: Good socks are key! I'd love a pair. Also, I always give credit where credit is due.

    Janet: Ha, yea that's what the blog comments have pretty much turned into.

    Katie: Hot cocoa? Pffft. Vodka! Possibly Hot cocoa with vodka.

    Samantha: Yea, it's generally totally worth it. We're supposed to get 18 inches of snow today, you sure you don't miss it?

  22. had a bad night? It's sunny here in Southern California :)

  23. Before you have another late night out, go get a tattoo on your foot just incase!!


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