She took my pride, my self-respect and only gave me gonorrhea.
She stole my love, my life and my ThunderCats collectibles. She ripped them out of the packaging and stomped all over them, just like she stomped all over my heart.
She got the house and the kids. I'm f****** homeless man! I can't even live in my car cause the b**** took that too! Even if I found a cardboard box to live in her lawyers would be out there with a pair of scissors cutting that s*** in half!
Man she emptied my bank account and put a freeze on my credit cards. She even picked all the quarters out of my change bucket!
She f***** my boss, she f***** my brother, she f***** my sister. Hell she probably f***** you! She f***** everyone I know except for me! She'd just laugh and throw me a raggedy old copy of BBW Monthly.
Not only that, she got my HDTV and my surround sound! You ever try to watch Avatar in RegularD? Man that s*** sucks!
She even took all my friends! I can't even go on facebook anymore. I've got 3 friends man! 3 friends! And one is my momma! It's OK though! I'm gonna get on twitter and show that b****. I'm gonna get #shetookmy trending and show her. Just you watch. They'll give me a show with Spock and everything.
I can't even listen to music anymore, man. She took my iPod. I had all my s*** on there! I had to break out my old tapes. You know how hard it is to pick up chics when you're rocking a boom box in 2011? I don't care what anyone says though, 90's music is deep! I just wish I would have listened when Bell Biv DeVoe told me to "never trust a big butt and a smile"! I Should have listened man, should have listened.
No, I didn't just get divorced or get out of a bad relationship. A friend of mine's divorce went through this week and he was complaining about it. I didn't have the heart to make fun of him to his face, so I'll just email him this later. Oh, feel free to add to it!
Image taken from: http://www.amazon.com/Poison-Bell-Biv-Devoe/dp/B000002O6V