March 10, 2011

Controversy Week: Sex

Well, according to the voting, this is the post that most of you perverts... errr readers have been waiting to read. Just kidding, about some of you anyway. So what is my big (pun intended) observation about sex?

It's not really that big of a deal.

Sure, it's necessary for the creation of life which is beautiful/terrifying, depending on your point of view. It leads people to do some pretty strange things, like learn to play the guitar. It also makes you feel good. Really good, if you're doing it right. Remember the movie Boogie Nights? Do you remember when Burt Reynolds' character was talking about directing the best porn movie in history? Well I'll remind you.
I don't want to make a film where they show up, sit down, jack off and get up and get out before the story ends. It is my dream, it is my goal, it is my idea, to make a film that the story sucks them in and when they spurt out that joy juice they just got to sit in it.They can't move until they find out how the story ends.
I love that movie. I love that quote. The idea, however, is pure fantasy. Has anyone in the history of the world ever kept watching porn after they've already satisfied themselves? Of course not! The idea is ludicrous. Watching people fuck is boring and a bit gross looking if it isn't accompanied by having a certain amount of lust in your loins.

Imagine a couple of aliens from another planet looking down on us having sex (you better believe they're watching, you dirty girl). The observations they would make would probably sound a little something like this:
Kang: What the... what on earth are those two humans doing?
Kodos: I have no idea, it's kind of strange looking. Maybe he's giving her the Heimlich?
Kang: He really should take CPR lessons because he doesn't seem very good at it. He's got his arms around her and he keeps slamming her against him, but they've been at it for 15 minutes already, she should have suffocated by now.
Kodos: Whoa! What is she... what?
Kang: Well, she's definitely not choking.

When you watch the discovery channel and Mr. and Mrs. Lion are getting it on, do you think, "wow, that's so beautiful and romantic"? No, you giggle and make inappropriate jokes because it looks really stupid looking. So why do we make such a big deal out of it? Everyone's doing it or it at least thinking about doing it. We don't attach any taboo connotations to eating dinner. Everyone does that too.

I think there is a big mythos around sex because it just makes sex more interesting. I've never said to a girl "Hey, looking at you in that short skirt makes my body need an orgasm. Can I put my penis in your vagina until I excrete bodily fluids inside you?". Why? Because it doesn't sound very exciting or appealing. I'd have a much better chance of finding satisfaction from my lover if I smacked her on the ass and said "I'm going to make you my slut tonight". Sure it won't always work, but the odds are much better (if it doesn't get me slapped) because it sounds intense and naughty.

I'm perfectly content with living in a society that is prudish because I certainly am not. It's fun to have dirty little secrets. I say to everyone, embrace your kinks. Embrace your cravings, desires and don't be afraid to add a little excitement to your love life. Being bad is fun and keeps you closer to the person you're bumping uglies with. I say keep sex taboo because it makes me want to excrete bodily fluids inside of you that much more.
Images taken from here, here and here.


  1. Thanks for listening to your readers! Yay for sex!

  2. "Watching people fuck is boring and a bit gross looking if it isn't accompanied by having a certain amount of lust in your loins." -- haha good point.

    I say as long as "it" is between(among)consenting adults (even if one or more are pretending not to consent), fuck until your bits fall off!

    While the mystique of sex may be good for my sex life, I think overall it would be beneficial to see more reasonable portrayals of sex/nudity in the media -- especially in consideration of female pleasure. I know, I know, the media is run by men like everything else, but a woman's pleasure is a beautiful thing. It doesn't always involve a male either, believe it or don't :)

  3. just out of curiosity, what would happen if i did slap you? would the game be over?

  4. I sometimes feel I am sub normal coz I hate porn. Like HATE it, coz it's so artificial and non passionate. Pretty much like Kang and Kodos.

  5. that's kind of an interesting argument for keeping sex taboo, one i hadn't really thought of. i also enjoy having dirty little secrets, so i like your idea in that respect. i guess maybe my arguments for having it not be so taboo are people may be more inclined to educate their children about it, and encourage them to enjoy it and not be ashamed of it... have more open dialogs about safe sex...legalize prostitution so it is not such a health hazard for all involved.

    (and just to give a girl's 2 cents to the idea of not watching porn after you've satisfied yourself...i know males tend to lose interest in all things sexy after an orgasm...but females, not so much.) :)

    good post, i like your style and what you have to say.

  6. I have this theory that girls in the Victorian days were some of the kinkiest people out there... all because it was taboo. Of course, this is probably not true, but it's still my theory.

  7. There's that quote "every generation thinks they invented sex" and I hate to say it, but it's so true. It's tiring watching younger and younger people get so excited and arrogant over the activity. Isn't that sad how I sound like a grandmother at 27? I think it's because I'm surrounded by teenagers and all their sexting and shit. Sigh.

  8. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAAA!!! Dinner not taboo?!? Offer to take a recovering bulimic to a buffet for dinner and see where that lands you!

    ANywho, LONG LIVE THE PRUDES!! They make it that much more fun to be a dirty bitch ^.^

  9. ah, this is so true.

    excelllllent post!

  10. Nice post, an anthropological take on the human sex ritual. Dig it.

  11. Yes, I'm one of the pervs who voted for sex. And, I agree with everything you said. Great post!!

  12. Excellent point on the taboos of sex. As for porn, who watches that for the story? I think porn with stories are just ridiculous. They can't act, and the stories are always terrible. Most people just fast forward to the good stuff, anyway.

  13. Christopher Robin: Uhh, I coined that nick-name for you, uhh because I like how sweet, and innocent (?) you come through in your posting's. Uhh, now I do feel like a pervert. Sex, well that is a weighty and fun subject to talk about; and once in awhile I do have to watch porn, it is a quick easy gratification. And uhhh, I learn something about how the act, of sex, might be more enjoyable. I've not seen Boogie Nights, huh? I am prudish, uptight and when I give in to the urge of seeing what it is like, to have sex, in porn--soon afterward I take my good Catholic girl behind for reconciliation. Sex is a big deal, the feeling, release and power of such pleasure is our human need to get closer to some kind of God, greatness and freedom. I find lust, to have been a downfall for me as a woman, because as a prudish, uptight and good Catholic girl it is my goal to want God in those different ways I know as a human woman to 'want'. And when sex is looked at through that lense, the beauty, power and preciousness of it is hard to take for granted and think of lightly. I've been wild, and crazy and not to cast aspersions (or spew any kind of fluids ha ha ha) have treated men like they've treated women for eons. I had a good time, it was nice, now we're done--I don't need to see you EVER again. Especially, if the act wasn't worth going to confession for!SIDENOTE: How would aliens know about the heimlech? Or CPR? Sex truly is for pro-creation, lovers and friends. If I am serious about some poor man, at all, I will talk to him about sex before the business end of it get's started. The mind, is the bigger of the sex organs. The heart is the greatest, grandest, most powerful and generous when opened through the engaging of two people in love, making love. OR having wild sex.

  14. Thank you for picking sex. I quite like your view. I mean the only addition I would make to this post is that I think people should use the word coitus more often. Or all the time rather.

    "Let's do it like they do on the discovery channel"

  15. Really? Watch any TV show today and it doesn't seem we're all that prudish. PG movies have sex for chrissake. Unfortunately, too much of it is gratuitous. Is it me, or is it New England? But there's a lot of sex talk around here! Maybe it's just me.
    "I'm going to make you my slut tonight" - I'm going to have to tell my hubby about that line. ;)

  16. Wow, haven't been around for a while ... look what I've been missing ....!!!!!

    Healthy ... hotblooded ... definitely not prudish ... I'm talking about you! Ha!

    Excuse me but sex is a big deal ... when I'm in a relationship it's important ... the most important element, but I could have my priorities wrong.

    I agree with your point though, that people are probably thinking about it more than getting it ...


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