April 8, 2011

Blogging Drunk or Why I Schedule My Posts

As some of you might have noticed I like to hit the sauce from time to time. I also like to blog. Occasionally the two combine to produce a creative blog post.  Most of the time the combination results in a convoluted rant with more foul language and strange idiosyncrasies than I care to admit to. When I started this blog I would often end up posting those blogs at 2 AM and then regretting it the next day, sometimes I'd even be forced to take them down. Luckily I found the "Scheduled at" button after a few months and decided that all of my blogs would be published at 11:00 AM CST because it gives me time to check my posts the next day after I dry out.

Below is what was scheduled to go up yesterday before I decided to pull it. Commentary is in italics.

Difficulty with Sustainability

Not a bad topic. That must be why I've already written about it, sober. Click here if you're interested.

Sustainability is quite the buzzword nowadays. It's a wonderful word that describes a movement among socially and environmentally conscious people to essentially not shit where they eat. Because what fun are cliches if they aren't crude? If you're an American, and you don't live in a tiny apartment near public transportation, that you use regularly, you are using up more than your fair share of what the earth provides. Now I'm not going to get all preachy on you because honestly, I like my meat red and 'roided, I prefer cars that are mean and gas guzzling, I think tofu is disgusting and I really don't give a fuck how much hairspray my date uses so long as I'm not looking down at a b-cupped version of Albert Einstein when the night is over. At this point I'm really just trying to be funny because I think I'm a funny drunk. I am, but this was meant to be a serious post.

I'm not green by any means. The only reason I use public transportation is because driving is such a pain in the ass and I'd probably get a ticket for reading during my morning commute if I was in my car. I am a selfish creature who is unwilling to give up creature comforts. That being said, I try to recycle and a while back I decided to enroll in one of the most activist-oriented programs at one of the most liberal schools in the state. They talked about sustainability, a lot. I signed up for the program because it was an alternative to becoming an evil lawyer and it sounded like a career path I could be good at. Basically, I wasn't ready to face the real world. Blah, blah, blah, trying to show off, blah, blah, blah, needed some way to end paragraph before it went on forever.

And this is where it all goes to s***:

Back in 2003 I had no idea what the hell sustainability was. My peers were all crazy about it though. Supposedly, it was the greatest thing in the history of the world since Led Zeppelin t-shirts. I had a John Paul Jonesing to Robert Plant my ass into the movement but I just couldn't do it. It was too cliched, even then. Don't get me wrong, it all sounded wonderful, but when I asked how to make it practical, people had a tendency to John Bonham their own vomit until a dead silence hung in the air.

Damn you Pandora Radio and your awesome Led Zeppelin station! Somehow I thought incorporating the names of all the members of Led Zeppelin would work well in a blog about sustainability. I'm way too easily distracted when I've been drinking. Instead of ending the blog with a sharp and witty conclusion, I got frustrated when I couldn't figure out how to incorporate Jimmy Page into the next sentence. Still seemed good enough to post though. Thank God for "Scheduled at". 

You're probably wondering why this post didn't end up on the cutting room floor with all of my other drunk posts. Well, most writerly types like the vino quite a bit and I thought sharing my method in avoiding the dreaded 2 AM drunk post might help someone. Don't get me wrong, writing while drunk is awesome and I have come up with some of my best stuff that way. If you're going to alter your mind-state you might as well get some creativity out of it. I probably could have taken some bits from this post and made something pretty interesting. Instead, I wanted to share a bit of advice that I learned from the master:

"Write drunk; edit sober."

-Ernest Hemingway


  1. I can never write and drink... Maybe all the vodka I've drank has burned a hole through my liver... because by the time I make my way to a computer, I've already blacked out and neared that point where the wall is perpetually moving two inches to the left.

    Plus, I've seen myself on video when I'm drunk - I just call girls fat, tell people I think Sarah Palin will make a great president in 2012, and talk in a british accent... it's really obnoxious actually... nothing novel worthy.

  2. i just fell a little bit more in love with you...lets hit the sauce together sometime!

  3. Drunking while blog iz purfekly norml

  4. Friday night - time to try that blogging drunk thing I'd say...

  5. I've never written a drunk blog post. Something tells me it would be about my cats....err wait...

    But I do have a problem with one comment, I take personal offense to you not liking B-cupped versions of Albert Einstein. If you saw me in the morning, you'd understand my frustrations.

  6. Huh? Blog without a glass of red?! And what in the hell would be the point of spending all that time w/my laptop? (oopssss, I may ave ad 1 eor too 2nt) ;)

  7. I'm completely off my tits at the moment...drunk as a shit skunk in purgatory as Bukowski would have it.
    This post made me laugh so much beer came out of my nose and landed on my jimmyjams.
    Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah did I tell you about the time i....

  8. I need to drunk blog sometime :D

  9. I'm actually drunk whilst reading this (dinner with friends ... too much red) so we're even !!!

  10. I never ever ever write blogs whilst under the influence of inebriating substances.

    Usually, I can't even do it while listening to music.

    There have just been too too many times when I've gone back and read what I wrote later on and thought... "Oh no-o-o..."

    Scheduling the posts might work, though. You may have just encouraged me to write while drunk more...

  11. haha. I love this post. Especially the "write drunk, edit sober" theme


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