April 30, 2011

What if Jesus was a Woman?

Would we have treated women differently if the Holy Trinity consisted of the Mother, the Daughter and the Holy Spirit?

Would the last two thousand years have not been so overtly sexist?

Would women have had control over their own destinies for more than just the last 30 or 40 years?

Or, would we have crucified her at a much younger age before she could get her own book?

I can't really say because there hasn't been a wise, inspiring, female role model for the last two millennia to look up to. Women are either whores or virgins. I was conditioned to think of women as objects instead of as divine beings.

I can say that I bet lady Jesus would have an amazing rack! They'd probably be d-cups, perfectly round and incredibly perky. In fact, they would probably defy gravity. No bra would be necessary, they would just float in the air, defiantly resisting the laws of physics. Now that sounds divine.
Image taken from: http://mattstone.blogs.com/photos/female_crucifixion_art/woman-crucified-art.html


  1. Actually, I believe there's somewhere in the Bible that says Jesus wasn't a good looking man. So Jesus would probably be an ugly woman too. She'd have lopsided boobs and probably a mustache or unibrow. --But I personally think that would make her more relate-able!

    And everyone in the Bible had bad teeth. Also, no one would have listened to her.

  2. Can't Lady Jesus have a mustache AND an amazing rack?

  3. No Chris, if Christ was a chick, YOU would be in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant....

    now go make me a sammich.

  4. If the jesus had been a female, they would've had to try harder to torture her. women can naturally tolerate more pain that we can. that's just a fact.

  5. oh honey every time we girls get a role model they are mocked for being too "something" - hilary is a ballbuster, angelina is a whore, both are amazing women. yet it doesn't matter - why? because in the end, we're stuck with the men out there who expect us to fall into the same shapes that men have been expecting for years. don't be too forward, don't be too this or that. fuck jesus, let's look at real women and stop making fun of them and start honoring them in all their diversity rather than finding ways to take them down.

  6. Wow EccoGrrl that is a great comment...very true.
    Chris, interesting thought though, very interesting. Jesusette?

  7. Ooooh I love fucking with the Madonna/Whore perception of women.

    Christianity was the inevitable backlash against Matricentric pagan religions. One day there will be balance, I hope.

    . . . Jesus was nailed to a cross and one of my Gods is known for his hammer. This makes me grin inside when I'm told I'm going to a hell i don't believe in.

  8. I have a book "Jesus and the Lost Goddess" by Timothy Freke and Peter Gandy that basically posits that your hypothetical here was actually the case, but that the Church later suppressed this informaiton.

    Freke and Gandy are cranks, of course, but they are fun cranks.

    I think that, in those days, a woman who hung out with twelve dudes and said she new better than the old timers might not have even reached the age of 33 before someone put a stop to it...

  9. jesusette was hilarious. LOL


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