May 10, 2011

Mother F*****

Until last year I'd never really dated a woman with children. It's not like I was completely opposed to the idea, but it never really came up. I think it has something to do with being the oldest of four and having a very protective and parental streak myself. It makes me sympathize with mothers rather than looking at them as objects of my sexual desire. It's something I'm working on. After all, this is 2011 and I should be objectifying all women equally.

I'd also never tried out the whole cougar thing that was all the rage at the time either. She was 9 years older than me, is that enough of an age difference to be considered a cougar? I wasn't sure so I called her a puma. She said "like the shoe"? It was then that I realized this relationship wasn't going very far. Since I didn't end up getting a whole lot out of the relationship I figured I ought to pass on what I learned in the interest of science. Before anyone asks, no, she never knew I had a blog and won't be seeing this.
  • Don't assume that older women only want casual relationships. I incorrectly thought that because I was nearly a decade younger than her that it automatically made me just a fling to her. Normally I like to get the expectations conversation out of the way relatively early but I didn't even bother this time until she introduced me to someone as "boyfriend". I'm still not entirely sure that it's possible to just have a f*** buddy, feelings always seem to creep in somewhere.
  • Don't be too hard on your kids if they don't like the guy. Particularly if they're boys. If some guy that was only 10 years older than me was banging my mom we wouldn't exactly be buddy buddy either. If the guy doesn't understand that then it's probably not going anywhere anyway.
  • Romance! A night out for a woman with children is much more precious than it is to a woman without. In all likelihood she called in some favors from friends to babysit and stressed over what to wear for hours because its been forever since she's been out. Appreciate it, shave, buy some flowers, go somewhere nice and don't forget the foreplay. Bring your A-Game and it'll definitely be worth the effort. Then again, if she's out every night ready to slut it up when she should be at home teaching little Timmy to read get the hell out of there.
  • Don't expect the guy to do any sort of parenting at all. The last thing any guy ever wants to hear is "you ain't my daddy" or "are you my new daddy?". In fact, the first few times he meets your kids that's all he'll be thinking about.
  • If you aren't ready to date a woman with kids don't date a woman with kids. It's not really that different from what you would expect it to be like.
  • If the relationship ends it doesn't automatically mean that it was because of your kids. It may even turn out that in the end he liked the kids more than he liked you. Sometimes relationships just don't work out.
As a whole it was an interesting experience and I don't have any hard feelings. Like any relationship there were good times mixed with bad. For the record, NoFU is not to be held responsible if anyone actually takes any of this advice. I really just wanted to write a post on this topic with that title because it made me chuckle.

I hope my findings help to expand the scope of scientific knowledge on the topic and I am currently accepting applications from 20 year old women for an experiment in which I study the effects of dating a woman nine years younger than me. Obviously, this is purely in the interest of science.
Image taken from:


  1. I hate children. I hate people who have children.

    / Avy

  2. If a woman has kids, it's 'coz she put out.


  3. Wise words.

    Do the same rules apply if they are YOUR kids?

  4. Ugh... children... can't science just create and egg that puts 'em to sleep for 18 years... i mean sure, kids would be dumb then, but they can't be any dumber than those Jersey shore kids.

  5. I can imagine why the situation would be difficult. I don't think I could ever date a guy who has kids, it's just too messy.

  6. My husband is 13 years older than me. Your reference to the 9 year age difference made me feel like I was sleeping with Old Balls.

  7. It drives most kids nuts to see their mom with a guy who isn't their father. And not too many can appreciate a relationship their mom is in, even if she's serious about it. Just the way it works. Being protective, I guess is something both parents AND kids do.

  8. "After all, this is 2011 and I should be objectifying all women equally."

    Bullseye! I love zingers like that.

    Sound advice throughout!

  9. hmm, i had taken you for older than 29. i guess at least you're in your upper 20s, most of the younger ones are idiots and they don't even know it yet.
    seriously, the 30s are the best, way better than the 20s. you've got a lot to look forward to.
    it's kind of late, that's why i sound like a nerd who is also an asshole.

  10. Wiser words were never blogged.

    *Standing ovation*

  11. My husband is 9 years older than me, but that seems to be more acceptable when it's the guy that's older.... I don't think I could date a man 9 years younger than me....he would be 22 and I have NOTHING in common with a 22 year old...

  12. I think you will find the older you get the less age matters. Personality, character and compatibility will always be important. As to the children, it will seem worth it if you find the right person.

  13. I mean I can't take this advice being as how I am a woman, and do not have children, or am not near the age where they are even a consideration of any kind.

    But it sounds like you know what you are talking about.

    As far as fuck buddies are concerned... you jut need to find the right girl. The one who really sees no relationship with you. So I bet you are thinking, "well what if I want one?" well that doesn't matter because you will be able to live with just having lots of sex , until maybe one day she comes around ( no pun intended).

  14. Haha I loved the title of this post! Reminded me of this:


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