I have thoughts like this all of the time. I'm tortured by them. I cannot escape my own paranoia or my own regrets. So much life lived, so much destroyed. I tell myself it is time to settle down. To build something, to create something. And, it is. I'm right but I cannot defeat this wrong. I torture myself and love others. The point? Amiss. It doesn't really matter now. It doesn't. I'll either defeat the demons inside me and move on or I'll vanquish myself and lay in the fire. Flesh burned, ashes in the amber. A shell, a memory. Defeat.
Or... rebirth. The man I always thought I would be... or the dust I always feared I would become. Nothing matters now. Fate will decide. Memories of laughter or fears of remorse. This moment will decide it all. Determine my destiny. Darkness and decay or light and new life. Time will tell. My story forgotten or rebirth bringing on revelation.
I drink for the lost, and awaken for the redeemed.
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