March 7, 2012

The Winter That Almost Wasn't, but nearly was.

Winter is supposed to be the time of year where I embrace blogging and writing fully because I'm too cold, too whiny, and just too miserable to do anything else with my glamorized version of a hermit's life. I was so ready to do that this winter. It's part of my ritual. It's part of my cleansing process. I vent out all of the evils I inflicted upon myself and others over the previous year. It gives me a clean slate heading into the next spring and enough time to make sure that any crazy b****** I nearly knocked up the year before have either forgotten about me or passed off little Christopher as a child they had with their actual husband.

This year was different though. It never really got very cold. Which means, I never really stopped working my second job. Which means, I made some decent cash on the side. Which means, f*** you Notes from Underground, you've only ever got me 20 dollars worth of advertising dollars and I need at least a hundred to see any of that in my pocket. Which means, AdSense, is a scam. Which would mean f*** you Google... but, I won't say that because you know my search history and there is some dark and demented s*** there that I'd rather not let the public see. So Google, I love you, no matter what.

Then, all of a sudden, it snowed, and I got deathly ill. Worst weekend of my life. I had the flu so damn bad. How bad, you ask? I haven't orgasmed in six days! Six! 6! I haven't done that since... Since... Well, I'm guessing since I was six. When I had chickenpox it only took three days. The clap? Five! I was worried I had prostate cancer for a while there. I haven't seen junk so inactive since
_____ married ______.

Winter got me, if only for a few days. It knew it couldn't let me slip through the cracks that easy. Not that I'm complaining, the winter, or lack-thereof, was awesome. Just meant I didn't get to spend much quality time with you fine folks. Which really is a shame, but you'll get over it. In less than six days, I'm sure. Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, hooray MLK day, and somebody pass the hand lotion.

I'll be back when it gets cold again.


  1. I'm glad to see some life here, even if the news is mixed at best!

    I cycle through interests and focuses, too. If I stop paying attention to politics or reading fiction, for instance, I don't worry about it because I've always picked back up again in a few months.

    But there are sometimes things I do not cycle back around to.

    It's called prioritizing. Fewer and fewer things all the time.

    Hope to see you again soon!

  2. So in a roundabout way global warming will improve your finances and your rate of orgasms... although your blogging will decrease. I think a bar graph is in order!

  3. This is a really great post. I like reading about your experience.

  4. Hey
    The Winter That Almost Wasn't, but nearly was
    Saying thanks will certainly not simply be sufficient
    This sort of clever work and coverage! Keep up the good works
    Thank you!

  5. Jesus Christ, that's a long time.

    Hope you're feeling better. Long time no read/post/comment.



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