February 1, 2013

Memory Lane

As I lay here, bathed in the tawdry glow of the word wide web and my ever-advancing alarm clock, I think back to the insomnia of yesteryear and reminisce on what I used to do late at night. Half-drunk late nights are awful without the aid of warm milk, filthy sex or adventure.

Being left all alone with only your irrational worries and fears can be terrifying. It would make you want to tear the hair from your head if you weren't too worried about plucking one of the gray ones you pretend not to see every morning. Losses. Regrets. Failures. Monstrosities. The things that make up this undefinable thing called life. Unfulfilled and unappreciated. The curse our generation bears.

Ten years ago long and sleepless nights were filled with dark desires and idealistic ambitions. Now I look back at actual actions. Some disturbing, others disappointing, all very distant now.

As I move onwards to the next chapter I can't help but wonder if the ship will ever sail straight. Or if I'll ever have a good night's sleep.

____

6 comments:

  1. First off, welcome back.
    Next, these are on par with the nights I have. Tossing, turning, thinking, worrying and not much sleep. Great great post .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Last night was definitely one of those nights. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  2. Damn have I missed you!

    If you don't have regrets, you haven't lived.

    Those nights are a destructive pain in the ass. Give your brain something to chew on that isn't your self, ok?

    Take care <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Missed you too. Hope everything is well.

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  3. Existential angst is an endless feature of the modern age, sadly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed it is. Probably a good problem to have. It's either this or backbreaking labor.

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